I recently went out near Soho in London with some gay friends, and sat down in a straight club.
A young guy came up to us and sat down next to me, and out of all the questions in the world started asking us about our sexuality.
‘You’re gay?’ asked the man as I nodded, said yes, while stuffing a chocolate egg into my mouth (I am wild on a night out).
He replied, looking alarmed: ‘But you’re eating chocolate!? You can’t be gay.’
A pause, wondering whether he was being serious, and I eventually responded: ‘I didn’t realize lesbians couldn’t eat chocolate. What did you think happens if they do?’
He turned to me, confused, and says: ‘You like being gay!?’
‘Yeah, I love it,’ I said.
He went silent for a bit, and settled on a self-satisfying conclusion: ‘I think people like to pretend to be gay.’
If you have been an out lesbian for a while, stories like this are not surprising when different people ‘discover’ your sexuality.
It can be weird, bizarre, and extremely personal! And all about sex.
Weird conversations like this happen to me all the time, so we decided to ask you, Gay Star News reader, what are the most common or bizarre questions you get asked as a lesbian?
And we were wowed. There appears to be a few idiots out there.
From what you said, the responses can generally be grouped into one of four categories.
Group one is, of course, the sex questions. So many sex questions.
If you’re gay or lesbian, sometimes people automatically assume this gives them the god-given right to know everything about your sex life. So here are some of the sex questions lesbians are asked on a regular basis:
- ‘Do you have real sex?’ (Laura Derlacki)
- ‘So you’ve never had real sex?’ (Sofia Leonor Gunnarson)
- ‘You know what you call sex is just foreplay, don’t you?’ (Jay Botha)
- ‘How do you make sex?’ (Ricky Conrads)
- ‘Do you just… *makes scissoring actions with hands*’ (Lauren Welch)
- ‘Can I watch?’ (Jean Hamilton)
- ‘How is it real sex?’ (Hannah Bestwick)
- ‘Do you have sex with men?’ (Kitty Jarrett)
- ‘Have you ever been with a guy?’ (Candy Chu)
- ‘Let’s have a threesome?’ (Sarah Eleanor Roarty)
- ‘But how do you have sex – do you just use double ended dildos?’ (Sarah Eleanor Roarty)
Our response to that? None of your god damned business.
Category number two are those who think you’re in a phase and question whether you are actually a lesbian. The ‘Are You Sures?’
- ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t go back to a man?’ (Soraya Easterbrook)
- ‘Who made you turn gay?’ (Chrisline Kimball)
- ‘When did you know you were gay?’ (Sian Caldwell)
- ‘How do you know you’re a lesbian if you never had sex with a guy?’ (Tami Wheatley)
- ‘How can you not find boys hot?’ (Jaide Haven)
The next is more of a statement, but we have to include it because the response is brilliant.
Hazel E Moss says she is told, ‘You’re only a dyke because you’ve never had a “real” man’. She said she usually replies: ‘No love, I’m a dyke because someone has to save the ladies from pricks like you’.
The third category of most commonly asked questions are those which are asked on the basis of the backward knowledge that if you are a lesbian then you should look like a man. Or if you are butch, then that means you want to be a man. The ‘lesbians apparently all want to be men’ category.
- ‘So which one of you is the man?’ (Katie White)
- ‘So do you want to be a man then?’ (Victoria Smith)
- ‘Why do all lesbians dress like men?’ (Georgie Buckley)
- ‘Why do some lesbians like girls who look like boys?’ (Katie Bowerman)
- ‘How can you like girls while you are so girly and feminine?’ (Priya Das)
- ‘You know these are the women’s toilets?’ (Catherine Smith)
All I can say for this is, in Ellen Degeneres’ words: ‘Asking which one is the man in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork’.
Then, like my ‘…But you eat chocolate?…’ young man. This category involves the just plain ignorant, illogical and bizarre.
- ‘Is this why you’re anti-religion?’ (Jadie Haven)
- ‘Why don’t you like men?’ (Lucinda Pang)
- ‘Were you abused?’ (Lucinda Pang)
- ‘Don’t you want children?’ (Lucinda Pang)
- ‘How can you be a lesbian if you don’t like fish?’ (Georgia Stoke)
- ‘Do your parents know you’re sinning against God?’ (Karah Kushnir)
And our final one, when Sandi Yaskiewicz was trying for a baby with her ex-girlfriend, she was asked by a neighbor: ‘So are y’all looking for a gay man to donate sperm so your child will be gay?’
What’s the most bizarre question have you been asked? Leave a comment below!
Words by Anisa Easterbrook. First published 6 November 2013.