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Man tries to marry his porn filled computer to mock same-sex marriage

Chris Sevier has been denied an application to intervene in the challenge to Florida’s ban on same-sex marriage through which he is seeking to marry his porn filled computer
An Apple MacBook Air laptop
Photo by Tim Malabuyo

‘Former Judge Advocate and combat veteran’ Chris Sevier has had his application to intervene in the federal court challenge to Florida’s ban on same-sex marriage dismissed in which he is seeking to marry his porn filled Apple computer.

Sevier filed a 24 page document with the United States District Court for the Northern District of Florida which is hearing the ‘James Domer Brenner et al., v. Rick Scott’ challenge to that state’s same-sex marriage ban - but it was dismissed by Judge Robert Hinkle in a 24 April ruling.

Hinkle wrote in his ruling, ‘Perhaps the motion is satirical. Or perhaps it is only removed from reality. Either way, the motion has no place in this lawsuit.’

In his filing Sevier claims he has fallen in love with his computer because it has become his preferred sexual partner.

‘Recently, I purchased an Apple computer,’ Sevier wrote in his application to join the case, ‘The computer was sold to me without filters to block out pornography.’

‘I was not provided with any warning by Apple that pornography was highly addictive and could alter my reward cycle by the manufacturer. Over time, I began preferring sex with my computer over sex with real women.

‘Naturally, I 'fell in love' with my computer and preferred having sex with it over all other persons or things, as a result of classic conditioning upon orgasm.’

Sevier claims that protecting people on the grounds of their sexual orientation is part of President Barack Obama’s ‘social agenda to make America a “gay nation.”’

This is not the first time that Sevier has embarked on a questionable legal challenge.

He has previously tried to sue Apple to introduce a default ‘safe mode’ screening out pornography from its devices, and to intervene in the challenge to Utah’s ban on same-sex marriage for similar reasons to the Florida case – claiming he has a sexual orientation that makes him attracted to inanimate objects.

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Hope his computer is equipped with the essential Auto Jerk app!

Hope his computer is equipped with the essential Auto Jerk app!

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