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Quackers! Gay marriage means ducks will rule the world

A 14-year-old girl has written a letter to a newspaper with her worries about marriage equality coming into effect
We attack at dawn. Ducks may take over the world according to a homeschooled 14-year-old girl from Durham.

A 14-year-old home-schooled girl is worried if gay marriage laws come into effect, ducks will take over the world.

While we are not sure whether British teen Jasmin intended the letter to be satirical, or she was sharing her real feelings, it is still very funny.

She says: ‘Homosexuality, including same-sex marriage, is not an enlightened idea.

'The Romans practiced homosexuality. Surely, after 2000 years, our level of intelligence should have evolved somewhat, so that we can truly pride ourselves of being cleverer than our forebears.

‘If homosexuality spreads, it can cause human evolution to come to a standstill. It could threaten the human position on the evolutionary ladder, and say, ducks, could take over the world.

‘Ducks always nest in pairs and if we allow same-sex marriage, then the ducks will have evolved further than we have. We will be in danger of all being equal, with ducks more equal than us.

‘We should learn from history and not be stuck with copying ancient behavior. The government has no right to bring us back to the Stone Age.

‘I don’t want my children to have to compete with ducks. I want them to evolve further than I have. Any self-respecting human would aim for that too.

‘None of this really bears any weight for me, because I do not believe in evolution. However the powers that be believe in evolution, and have made many decisions based on it.

‘They should be consistent: If you believe in evolution, you can’t be in favor of homosexuality, or the ducks will get you in the end.’

She signs off the letter as Jasmin H[Last name redacted], aged 14, Homeschooled, Scargill.

Well if our once feathery friends do end up ruling the world, we’re all definitely ducked.

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