The rise of the gay spinster

In an age of civil unions and gay marriage, Daniel Warner is rejecting hedge funds and enjoying spinsterhood

The rise of the gay spinster
12 November 2012

I’m not married, I’m not in a civil partnership and as far as I’m aware there is no one even on the verge of making a proposal, getting down on one knee or even sending a postcard with some offer of a mutually beneficial arrangement.

My days of romance, wine, wistful gazes and lustful stares are gone. I think I may have left them in a cloakroom in a private members’ club or maybe I didn’t even bother to check them in?

I’ve lost wallets, gloves, sweaters and once even a shoe in a nightclub so if I did lose my potential to be a husband / lifelong partner or ‘significant other’ along the way then it wouldn’t surprise me.

I just hope who ever found my credit card for a lifetime of marital bliss enjoys it. I’ve cancelled all my compatibility pin numbers and now the only credit I give myself is for being alone. Like the great gay anthem from Beyoncé and the other two in Jimmy Choo’s and expensive weaves, I am indeed, an ‘Independent (Wo) Man’.

It takes a huge amount of courage to be single in a modern gay world, especially if you’re over the age of attractiveness and relevance that dating apps and websites seem to endorse.

And 35 seems to be the age that if you’re not betrothed then you need to be either seriously rich or extortionately expensive to spend an evening with. I find it hilarious when someone aged 34 has (in capitals) written across their profile ‘NO ONE OVER 35’. Umm, Mr birthday is on his way and he has a HUGE surprise for you! It’s wrapped in tatty old paper and tied with withered ribbon and I can’t wait to see your face when it arrives.

I’m surprised there hasn’t been an embargo on any gay man who’s ever even thought of reaching for the ‘Just For Men’ from getting their awful, wrinkly hands on a smartphone. God knows how they even know how to use a touch screen device? Don’t they still use that thing called a ‘mouse’?

There was a time when ‘bachelors’ of a certain age were automatically deemed to be gay but now with civil partnerships and our continuing fight for equality, even the gays are getting hitched.

We can’t claim the reason we are growing old without a ring on our finger is because we’re out, proud and loving our gay life when everyone else knows it’s because we’ve been left on the shelf, dumped at the altar and never even had a whiff of a bridal bouquet.

I can’t remember if Bridget Jones ever got married? I think she just lost some weight, got a better wardrobe, had an expensive haircut and morphed into a gay man. She did have a flat near to Borough Market (the fashionable foodie center of London) so it’s definitely possible that this really happened. I bet she / he now lives in Clapham in a Victorian terrace with her husband, their Gaydar profile, 0.2 dogs and spends Sunday afternoons cooking organic produce in an Aga.

The single life isn’t a bad life! It’s what all of our great gay ancestors fought for. The right to be free from the constraints of society, to live a bohemian life, to sleep with people indiscriminately and to have fun!

From what I’ve read of gay life in the 70s and 80s it was like doing the supermarket sweep in Selfridges, with so much choice and a buy-now-pay-later mindset everyone got their shopping trolleys worth, but then came the specter of AIDS, the credit got refused and the disco ball stopped spinning. However, fast-forward 30 years and the disco ball is spinning again, it’s just got a wedding cake and an expensive reception on top of it.

I’m not walking the hallways and rooms of my flat like Miss Havisham, even though that would be my outfit of choice at a gay wedding. I’m enjoying my life. I’m not thinking of the one that got away, the one that’s just around the corner or the one with the hedge fund.

I’m happy for all of my gay brothers and sisters that are out there getting hitched, married and banged up abroad, and I mean that last one in the nicest sense. I don’t know what the future holds for me or for all the other gay spinsters out there, but I will say this, next year I am ready for commitment. I’m ready for the long term and I’m ready for an equal partnership full of love, mutual trust and understanding.

So I’m going to buy myself a pitbull.

Daniel Warner is a writer / journalist and can be followed on Twitter and Facebook.

HAVE YOUR SAY

MORE TOP STORIES

No thumbnail available

New baby drags family into same-sex marriage lawsuit

Two legally married men and their son are fighting for same-sex marriage in Ohio - despite living more than 500 miles away
No thumbnail available

How to achieve beach bliss in Koh Samui

Navigate the sands and waters of Thailand's beach gem with Sydney-based journalist Chris Muakcha Topp in an exclusive series for Gay Star Travel
No thumbnail available

Lady Gaga goes Over The Rainbow for Oz-style ‘Applause’ performance

Mother monster wakes up America with a Gaga version of Dorothy’s trip down the yellow brick road
No thumbnail available

Texas Senator Ted Cruz says gay rights advocates intend to pass hate speech laws

Also claims they want to force pastors to perform gay weddings
No thumbnail available

Stop using hook-up sites: Judge to gay man accused of knowingly exposing partners to HIV

Accused of knowingly exposing an ex-boyfriend and potentially dozens of other men to HIV, a 29-year-old San Diego gay man has been ordered by a judge to stop using Internet dating sites
No thumbnail available

Spain's Catalonia region passes 'world's most pioneering laws against homophobia'

The person accused of homophobic acts will have to prove his or her innocence, rather than being presumed innocent until proven guilty as is usually the case
No thumbnail available

Obama defends Hagel and his apology

President Barack Obama goes on Meet The Press to defend Chuck Hagel
No thumbnail available

‘We are going to drink your blood’: Gay refugees in Kenya reveal horror stories

LGBTIs fleeing Uganda attacked and forced into sex work in world’s third largest refugee camp
No thumbnail available

Jay Leno compares Putin’s Russia for gays to Nazi Germany

Tonight Show host Jay Leno has compared Russia to Nazi Germany while interviewing US President Barack Obama about the plight of gays under Vladimir Putin’s reign
No thumbnail available

Newspaper under fire for not using the name of transgender crime victim

In comment on her article, Star-Ledger reporter Susan Epstein says she wants to talk to people willing to discuss Eyricka Morgan's life as a transgender woman