Spoof: US Army declares its ‘gay enough already’

‘We’ve reached a level of gayness that suits us,’ declares DoD Spokesman Major Phil McTavish

Spoof: US Army declares its ‘gay enough already’
12 October 2012

It’s hardly been two years since the repeal of the US military’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ Act. The LGBT community worldwide lauded President Barack Obama for his decision to strike down the law forcing gays and lesbians in the army to stay silent about their sexuality or else face the axe.

But in a surprising turn of events, the US Department of Defense (DoD) has declared that it’s ‘gay enough already’ and doesn’t need any more gay or lesbian recruits for the armed forces – at least according to DuffelBlog.

In an unexpectedly candid and obviously fake interview, Major Phil McTavish made some bold statements about the military.

‘We obviously don’t have anything against gay and lesbian troops in the military. The DoD just doesn’t feel the need to make a big deal about it anymore.

‘Look around you, man,’ he stated. ‘All these missiles, bullets, rockets; they’re basically dicks, right?’

When pressed to clarify he added: ‘I mean sure, they need to be shaped that way to fly, but think of the subtext.’

There are some who would argue that there is a long history of gayness in the US army. Military expert and historian Dr Drew Chalmers points to the symbolism of military ranks.

‘Anyone who’s read or seen ‘The DaVinci Code’ knows that chevrons are a masculine symbol. Essentially, most enlisted ranks are a pile of dicks, some with more decorations than others.’

For a more detailed account of the completely fake and utterly hilarious investigation, have a look at the full article here.

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