Does the Catholic Church have a death wish? I hope not, because that would mean it was suicidal and, of course, suicide is the worst of all sins, it being, by definition, the only one for which there is no chance of seeking forgiveness after.

What exactly do the cardinals get up to when they pick the new pope?

Well, one satirical website has an idea. Maybe they lock the doors, lower the blinds, fire up the smoke machine and put on their heels as they listen to Scissor Sisters’ gay anthem ‘Let’s Have A Kiki’.

In the video, the cardinals must choose between the homophobe, the pedophile or the sexist one.

Like in real life, two-thirds have to come to an agreement before the new pope is elected. It is only then the white smoke can be released.

Pope Benedict XVI has appointed a temporary successor to the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of St Andrews and Edinburgh.

Archbishop of Glasgow Reverend Philip Tartaglia will govern the vacant diocese until a permanent appointment is made.

It follows Cardinal Keith O’Brien, who has previously compared gay marriage to slavery, resigned after allegations he initiated inappropriate acts with his male priests.

The African cardinal widely tipped to be the next pope has blamed the Catholic Church’s pedophilia on gay priests.

Cardinal Peter Turkson, from Ghana, said the sex abuses would never happen in Africa because the culture is against homosexuality.

Speaking to CNN, the 64-year-old said: ‘African traditional systems kind of protect or have protected its population against the tendency.

Gay groups in Italy and across the world have reacted to Pope Benedict XVI's shock resignation today (11 February).

On 28 February, the Roman Catholic leader will leave his post and the Vatican will decide on his successor.

'After having repeatedly examined my conscience before God, I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise of the Petrine ministry,' Benedict said.