If your idea of a massage is scented candles, whale music and an hour’s kip, it might be wise to give the sports variety a fairly wide berth.

Make no mistake, there is nothing, I repeat, nothing relaxing about sports massage.

It was a truth which professional masseur Darryl Carty was quick to point out before I lay down and braced myself for the worst.

‘You are behaving quite well,’ he said as he began to dig into my back muscles and I felt an uncomfortable pressure on my back. ‘Most of my clients scream and swear at me.’