Eurovision is upon us yet again.
A chance for rabid nationalism and cheesy pop pap. I love it like so many people. Will this year be the last year we have a UK entry? Will next year have a Scottish entry and if so will England and Scotland vote for each other like the Baltic and Balkan states do consistently every year? Who knows but probably not, the Scots have never forgiven us for Flodden.
In celebration of this year’s competition I have put together 14 points of interest for Eurovision fans. Some banal and some factual. Enjoy.
1. I met Israel’s winning entry Miss Dana International when I was DJ’ing in Tel Aviv a few years back. She was frosty and miserable and kept sniffing and yelling at everyone. She also refused my request to have a picture taken with her. So she can officially SHOVE IT. Great song though.
2. Conchita Wurst the Austrian bearded drag Queen MUST win this year. Just to annoy that old PIG Putin and the other homophobes out there. Her song is very James Bond. We love her.
3. Katrina and The Waves won for the UK with Love Shine a Light. The hit went on to be used in countless ads and movies and has been covered by one of Katrina’s great musical heroines Dolly Parton. I bet she has lived off THAT one quite comfortably. Lucky cow!
4. The first Eurovision Song contest was held in Switzerland. Guess who won that year? Switzerland.
5. Over 100 Million people watch the contest every year. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Eurovision sceptics. It’s incredible.
6. Spain’s winning entry in 1968 was called ‘la la la la’ and used the title 136 times throughout the song. It is really dire.
7. Ireland has won the competition 7 times. That is more than any other single nation. Proving that there is something they can do well (Joke! I love the Paddies).
8. 27 solo female winners have hit the top at Eurovision up to now so Conchita Wurst stands a good chance. Go Conchita!
9. I once had to listen to Katrina and the Waves perform "Shine a light" 4 times at a gay club in Cardiff. It was extremely monotonous and she wore trainers and badly fitting jeans. Not MY idea of dressing like a star. Huh!
10. Despite its fame, the phrase ‘nul points’ is never used. It’s either ‘pas de points’ or ‘zero point’. Norway scored most nuls (four) and came last the most (11 times). But the Portuguese are the longest-running losers. Since their debut in 1964 they have never made the top five.
11. Eurovision Song Contest doesn’t mean a song contest for Europeans. It means a song contest broadcast on the Eurovision TV Network. Countries in Eurovision but not Europe include Israel, Azerbaijan – and Morocco, who entered only once in 1980, and came second last. Mainly because it was rubbish.
12. For a while it felt like you could only represent the UK if you were old turkey neck himself Miss Cliff Richard (Congratulations), his ‘friend’ or some would say ‘beard’, Olivia Newton-John (Long Live Love), Cliff again (Power To All Our Friends) or his old backing band The Shadows (Let Me Be The One). Enough of Cliff. Nice voice. Painful dance moves.
13. The UK finished last three times – but we’ve won five times! The full-name of Britain’s 2014 contender is Molly Smitten-Downes and she has worked with dance acts including Stunt and Basshunter. She is from Anstey in Leicestershire and the song is REALLY good. Modern and catchy. Just how they like ‘em at Eurovision. Come on Molly!
14. Old Sea Lion Dion (or Celine Dion to her fan) represented Switzerland at Eurovision once. Sea Lion is in fact a French speaking Canadian. She is also as mad as a box of frogs.
On that note I leave you.
Love Dusty ‘O’
See more of Dusty ‘O’ and other drag queen stars on Drag Queens of London on London Live on Tuesdays.