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The 30 most bizarre questions lesbians are asked

Gay Star News readers were asked what the most common or ridiculous questions lesbians get asked, and the results are a must-see.

The 30 most bizarre questions lesbians are asked
Instagram / Gay Star News

I recently went out near Soho in London with some gay friends, and sat down in a straight club.

A young guy came up to us and sat down next to me, and out of all the questions in the world started asking us about our sexuality.

‘You’re gay?’ asked the man as I nodded, said yes, while stuffing a chocolate egg into my mouth (I am wild on a night out).

He replied, looking alarmed: ‘But you’re eating chocolate!? You can’t be gay.’

A pause, wondering whether he was being serious, and I eventually responded: ‘I didn’t realize lesbians couldn’t eat chocolate. What did you think happens if they do?’

He turned to me, confused, and says: ‘You like being gay!?’

‘Yeah, I love it,’ I said.

He went silent for a bit, and settled on a self-satisfying conclusion: ‘I think people like to pretend to be gay.’

If you have been an out lesbian for a while, stories like this are not surprising when different people ‘discover’ your sexuality.

It can be weird, bizarre, and extremely personal! And all about sex.

Weird conversations like this happen to me all the time, so we decided to ask you, Gay Star News reader, what are the most common or bizarre questions you get asked as a lesbian?

And we were wowed. There appears to be a few idiots out there.

From what you said, the responses can generally be grouped into one of four categories.

Group one is, of course, the sex questions. So many sex questions.

If you’re gay or lesbian, sometimes people automatically assume this gives them the god-given right to know everything about your sex life. So here are some of the sex questions lesbians are asked on a regular basis:

  • ‘Do you have real sex?’ (Laura Derlacki)
  • ‘So you’ve never had real sex?’ (Sofia Leonor Gunnarson)
  • ‘You know what you call sex is just foreplay, don’t you?’ (Jay Botha)
  • ‘How do you make sex?’ (Ricky Conrads)
  • ‘Do you just… *makes scissoring actions with hands*’ (Lauren Welch)
  • ‘Can I watch?’ (Jean Hamilton)
  • ‘How is it real sex?’ (Hannah Bestwick)
  • ‘Do you have sex with men?’ (Kitty Jarrett)
  • ‘Have you ever been with a guy?’ (Candy Chu)
  • ‘Let’s have a threesome?’ (Sarah Eleanor Roarty)
  • ‘But how do you have sex – do you just use double ended dildos?’ (Sarah Eleanor Roarty)

Our response to that? None of your god damned business.

Category number two are those who think you’re in a phase and question whether you are actually a lesbian. The ‘Are You Sures?’

  • ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t go back to a man?’ (Soraya Easterbrook)
  • ‘Who made you turn gay?’ (Chrisline Kimball)
  • ‘When did you know you were gay?’ (Sian Caldwell)
  • ‘How do you know you’re a lesbian if you never had sex with a guy?’ (Tami Wheatley)
  • ‘How can you not find boys hot?’ (Jaide Haven)

The next is more of a statement, but we have to include it because the response is brilliant.

Hazel E Moss says she is told, ‘You’re only a dyke because you’ve never had a “real” man’.  She said she usually replies: ‘No love, I’m a dyke because someone has to save the ladies from pricks like you’.


The third category of most commonly asked questions are those which are asked on the basis of the backward knowledge that if you are a lesbian then you should look like a man. Or if you are butch, then that means you want to be a man. The ‘lesbians apparently all want to be men’ category.

  • ‘So which one of you is the man?’ (Katie White)
  • ‘So do you want to be a man then?’ (Victoria Smith)
  • ‘Why do all lesbians dress like men?’ (Georgie Buckley)
  • ‘Why do some lesbians like girls who look like boys?’ (Katie Bowerman)
  • ‘How can you like girls while you are so girly and feminine?’ (Priya Das)
  • ‘You know these are the women’s toilets?’ (Catherine Smith)

All I can say for this is, in Ellen Degeneres’ words: ‘Asking which one is the man in a same-sex relationship is like asking which chopstick is the fork’.

Then, like my ‘…But you eat chocolate?…’ young man. This category involves the just plain ignorant, illogical and bizarre.

  • ‘Is this why you’re anti-religion?’ (Jadie Haven)
  • ‘Why don’t you like men?’ (Lucinda Pang)
  • ‘Were you abused?’ (Lucinda Pang)
  • ‘Don’t you want children?’ (Lucinda Pang)
  • ‘How can you be a lesbian if you don’t like fish?’ (Georgia Stoke)
  • ‘Do your parents know you’re sinning against God?’ (Karah Kushnir)

And our final one, when Sandi Yaskiewicz was trying for a baby with her ex-girlfriend, she was asked by a neighbor: ‘So are y’all looking for a gay man to donate sperm so your child will be gay?’

What’s the most bizarre question have you been asked? Leave a comment below!

Words by Anisa Easterbrook. First published 6 November 2013.

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    Cristi Cave says:

    Back in the 70s, a fellow soldier asked me as we sat outside on a break, “Why do you like women?” It seemed a thoughtful question, so I answered him. I listed all the reasons I liked women as he listened with rapt attention. After I had finished, he sighed, and said “I like all the same things!” From then on, we understood each other.

    Bo Widegren says:

    As I am father to a goodloking and smart daughter, I have several times got the queation : How did that happen? I allways answered with a returnquestion: do you go around and ask your hetrofriends with children how did that happened or do you rhink that is their privatte matter? (Excuse my bad English!)

    Aria Kelly says:

    “How can you be a lesbian if you dont like fish?” … You make a compelling argument there You genuinely have me shook

    Jo Rewers says:

    Not really a question…just the same boring statement over and over again…You’re only gay because you’ve never been to bed with a real man….like ME!

    I hate the question which one of you are the man

    Cindylee Weber awesome I used to get mad then learned it was funny to say something outrageous I like your reply

    To that one I reply it depends… I get the depends on what. I put my hands palm to palm and flip them back and forth saying whoever is on top! Boy, girl, boy, girl, boy, girl. Then ask isn’t it the same for you guys? They respond that is ridiculous and I say yeah isn’t it though! Gets the point across quite well. I generally like to turn whatever it is around on them and make them realize they are being an ass.

    A co-worker once asked if he could watch us have sex. I replied absolutely. As soon as you let me watch you f*ck your wife. He was outraged that I would suggest such a thing. Lol, he asked why would you want to see me screw my wife. I said EXACTLY you jerk!

    That is awesome good reply

    If the “merely” gay posters on this site think they get rude questions…I’m married to a transwoman and you wouldn’t believe some of the queries I’ve gotten. I answer them all by saying, “People have been laying bets all over town on the answer to that for years. I’m not going to be responsible for all of that money changing hands.”

    You have never had a real man … Straight ignorant men they just love to try

    I like how if your a Lesbian you are not suposed to eat chocolate. Thats the funniest thing I’Ve ever heard. I get asked almost every time Who made you gay? I also get were you abused?and does your familey know and if so what do they think? Then I get straight guys that say don’t hit on me I’M not gay ok. I also get straight guys who say you think I’M hot don’t you.

    Emma Doornik says:

    That means that you are probaply only kissing and so on?” was once the answer of a female friend when I told her I was in an intimate relationship with a woman.

    I am a straight ally, who worked hard here in Canada to help with the referendums on marriage equality. And I couldn’t begin to count the number of times people have looked me, my husband & my kids & then said “But, I thought you were straight?”

    “Is there any chance I could, you know, WATCH?” This was asked of me by a neighbor, who was also a friend. I let him know, politely, that no there wasn’t.

    “When you get married, will you call her your husband??”

    Mel Los says:

    “you eat meal too must be gay!!”

    Jonathan Dow says:

    I like the question? How can you be a lesbian and you don’t like fish.. I know some gay male that don’t eat meat.😜

    Omkar Dodwad says:

    Sagarika Bhatt lol

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    Michael Hunt Must be all that banana eating…

    Michael Hunt says:

    From what I’ve heard, vegetarians do perform better oral sex…