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8 tips for being confident and bisexual this Pride and all year round

8 tips for being confident and bisexual this Pride and all year round

The bi+ group at Perth Pride.

The modern world rewards negativity. The news loves to bring us tragedy, politicians like to tell us the world is going to implode unless we back them, and being honest, you probably spend more time arguing with people on social media than being inspired by them.

In the case of people like myself, who are advocating a better tomorrow for a certain group of people, we too can get bogged down in what’s going wrong rather than being inspiring. And that’s something I want to change.

The problem with writing something inspiring for bisexuals is you can’t seem to go too deep. Bisexuals are such a diverse range of people that what seems like a pro to one might seem like the worst idea to another.

But, it’s better to try and get Twitter mobbed than to never try at all, these tips won’t work for everyone but I hope one or two give you something to think about.

Know what you’re going to say

Let’s face it, biphobia hasn’t really evolved. You know by now what they are going to say to you, so be ready for it. Whether it’s ‘Ow – you seem gay to me’ or ‘I bet you get tempted to stray from your girlfriend’ – realize, you have the upper hand. You’ve heard it all before.

Come up with a good three sassy retorts for the most common insults and have them ready in the back of your mind.

Whether you want to start an argument, educate people, or flip the situation on it’s head – the ball is in your court and they wont see it coming.

Set your goals

A bisexual Pride parade in 2018 - 2019 had been heralded the year of 20-bi-teen
Bisexual people and allies attend the world’s first Bi Pride parade in Los Angeles, 22 September 2018 | Photo: Facebook

What do you actually want? You’re bisexual, that’s the card you’ve been dealt and no amount of praying or acting is going to change it.

But that doesn’t mean you don’t get a say in your life.

Picture the perfect scenario of your life in five years and 15 years.

What kind of person are you dating? Are you monogamous? Are you single? Or are you married? Are you out of the closet?

The truth is humans overestimate what they can do in one year but underestimate what they can do in five. You are a powerful bisexual, mold the world around you to make you happy – but you can’t do that if you haven’t set a finish line for yourself.

Make a choice

They say us bisexuals just can’t make up our minds, and maybe that’s true – but not in the way they think.

As a bisexual you need to make a choice, the only choice that really matters – are you ok with your sexuality?

I’m not talking coming out to your mate or an inspirational Instagram post. I’m talking deep down. Are you honestly ok with being bisexual? Do you understand that that’s who you are and do you view it as a positive or a negative?

If you see it as a positive you will radiate that. Positivity is infectious and your belief and pride in your sexuality will rub off on those around you. It’s the unconscious difference between being able to hold eye contact when you tell someone you are bi and looking down.

Decide just how visible you want to be

Bisexual marchers make their mark at San Francisco Pride
Bisexual marchers make their mark at San Francisco Pride | Photo: Nerdcoregirl/Creative Commons 2.0

You’re bisexual – that ain’t changing but you do get a say in who knows it. Whether you want to shout it from the rooftops, wear a bi t-shirt, post about it on social media or take the secret to your grave, that’s your call.

A lot of LGBTI people will tell you it’s better to be out and proud, which might be true, but they don’t have to live your life at the end of the day. Be as out as your comfortable with.

Help other bisexual people

They say the best way to learn is to teach and the same is true of bisexuality. By helping other bisexuals you will help yourself.

As bisexuals we so rarely get to meet others like us and trade notes on experiences and ideas. Make it your goal to have at least two friends that are bisexual.

This might take some searching, just because you share a sexuality doesn’t mean you’ll instantly be friends but no one said this was going to be easy. Being there for other bi people will in turn help yourself and make you realise you’re not alone.

Don’t fall in love with biphobia

I don’t care how hot she is, or what future he has promised, do not fall in love with someone who has an issue with your bisexuality. They are allowed to not get it in the beginning or have questions, but if they are still uncomfortable with it when your relationship gets serious, cut your losses and get the hell out of there.

Just like we wouldn’t expect a person of color to date someone that’s racist, a bisexual shouldn’t have to accept a partner that ‘doesn’t get’ bisexuality.

Be your own role model

They say bisexuality is ‘in fashion’ or ‘a trend’ whatever that means. But I can’t think of anyone that made bisexuality ‘cool’ for me growing up.

I’d be hard pressed to name any male bisexual characters or celebrity’s that really sold bisexuality to me.

Humans are aspirational beings. We want people to look up to and take inspiration from. For many bisexuals we simply didn’t have that. So you’re going to have to do it. Even if you’re not out to everyone, be a role model to your 13-year-old self. Prove to that kid that still exists deep down in your mind somewhere that it did all work out and there was nothing to be scared of.

Be confident in being bisexual

Last but not least, it’s all about the confidence, not just in your bisexuality but everything. It is something you need to work towards.

You need to know that there is nothing people can say or do that you won’t be able to handle.

You need to know that no-one can make you question yourself. It’s about finding the way to authentically make yourself comfortable with who you are, being happy about it and letting the confidence grow from that.

Being bisexual is what you make it, it’s time to stop listening to what society says it is and start deciding what you want it to be. Own it bisexuals – it’s yours.

Lewis Oakley is a weekly bisexual correspondent on Gay Star News. Follow him on Twitter.

See also

How to come out to your wife as a bisexual man

How do you come out to your child as bisexual?

Bisexual role models are needed to fight isolation and loneliness