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Is this the best way to reject someone on Grindr?

Is this the best way to reject someone on Grindr?

Grindr screenshot

Grindr notifications can send people into a spiral of fear, especially when you’ve sent the first ‘hello’.

Will they say, ‘Hey, how’re you?’ back or will you find a cold rejection message in your inbox?

But one Grindr user found his usual hello met with an un-characteristically polite reply.

Adam Eli, a queer writer and activist based in New York, sent a Grindr guy a ‘Hello’ while he was in Milan, Italy.

But the guy’s reply, which Adam screenshot and posted on Instagram, sent his followers into overdrive discussing if it’s the right way to reject someone.

Setting an example

‘Hey. Thanks for writing!,’ the reply goes, ‘but I don’t think you are my type. Enjoy your stay in Milano ;)’

Adam replied: ‘Thank you for your kindness and honestly!

‘I dream of a world where queer people all treat each other that way : ) have a great day.’

The Grindr exchange | Picture: Instagram (@adameli)

Adam told Gay Star News when he saw the reply he, ‘felt excited and seen’.

He said: ‘I loved it because it carried a message of compassion and kindness which is how I want all interactions in the queer community to be.

‘Grindr is a space that can be toxic, so to see that kindness in that space was refreshing.

‘There are a lot of people – particularly trans and gender non conforming people, people of color and folks that don’t have super thin or super built bodies that receive a lot of hate on Grindr.

‘Yet we’re all on the same team, and if we’re not nice to each other, who is going to be nice to us?

But did he reply?

The guy didn’t reply futher to Adam, but Adam has no reservations about it.

‘It definitely did make me want him more, but he drew his boundaries respectfully and I should respect that.

‘I posted this post to show queer people everywhere are responsible for queer people everywhere. We’re responsible for one another’s mental health.

‘So, we have an obligation when we’re in a queer space like Grindr to be really kind.

‘I posted this as a reminder that we are all  the same team.’

To block, ignore or reply ?

One follower commented: ‘Genuine question for everyone: would you rather receive a response like this or none at all?’

‘Personally, I’ve never received a response like this, but have been ignored countless times.

‘To be honest, I have ignored many people. I just kinda thought it was the norm.’

Another user said: ‘I’m so used to the toxicity of Grindr most of the time; this encounter is so cathartic’.

‘I have so many problems with “types”’

Other users questions what exactly ‘my type’ even means.

‘I have so many problems with “types” that I think this response would just cause me frustration and anxiety,’ a user vented.

‘I think I’d prefer simply being ignored.’

Though, one user took more offence with the font Grindr uses: ‘Grindr smiley faces are so crooked.’

‘No fats, no fems, no Asians’

But not everyone has positive experiences on Grindr. An Aboriginal medical student in Australia spoke out about the racist messages he receives on the app.

Dustin Mangatjay McGregor, who is part Yolngu, part Greek, posted screenshots of the hateful messages on his Facebook.

He hoped to shame people publicly and to get more attention on the issue of racial discrimination within the community.

This is part of the ‘no fats, no fems, no Asians’ culture the app hopes to battle against.

See also

HIV stigma summed up in one cruel Grindr message

From Grindr to Kindr? The release of a nicer alternative: Kindr

Courtney Act reveals she’s dealing with her own sexual racism