Chemsex-sidebar-left

Listen

gsn-google gsn-google

These young people explained the moment they realized they were bisexual

'I didn't realize for a long time actually. The heteronormativity was strong with this one.'

These young people explained the moment they realized they were bisexual
@daisy_burton
Daisy thanks Joan Jett for helping her realize she's bi

The stigma around bisexuality can making coming out difficult.

But before coming out to friends and family, there is the process of coming out to yourself. This can also be very difficult.

A study released in September revealed bisexual people have a higher risk of developing mental health issues.

The lead study author Ethan Mereish told NBC News: ‘Given that isolation and discrimination, bi people might be experiencing increase factors that might make them more lonely or isolated.’

We spoke to eight young people who told us about figuring out their sexuality.

Holly, 23, US@hollyhowyoudoin

Holly, 23, US

Holly, 23, US

‘It was back in 2014. I’d just left for university and I didn’t know anyone in town. I was on Tinder swiping away on guys and having the same disappointing “conversations” with them where they were either idiotic, boring, only interested in sex, or a glorious combination of the three.

‘I threw my hands up and was like whyyyyyyyyy do I have to like guys? Why is this what I’m doomed to be with? And then I was like wait. Really why? I stopped to think and started exploring talking to girls.

‘As that felt more and more “right,” I reflected and realized that I’d had crushes on girls my whole life but because I also like guys I just thought I was straight and that was how female friendships worked.

‘Long story short: I owe an extreme debt of gratitude to social media fuckboys for helping me realize who I am and who I like.’

Alexis, 20, US

‘I was looking at a picture of Demi Lovato on Twitter, and I said something to a friend along the lines of, “I am SO attracted to that woman.”

‘With saying it out I kind of realized that “hey, Alexis, maybe you aren’t straight” I had recalled moments where I pushed off thoughts of other women.

‘Like the thoughts of the insanely pretty girl at the concert I had just went to, and the thoughts of kissing a female friend.

‘Thinking it was nothing I constantly pushed those thoughts off, but saying I was attracted to another women out loud, it kind of all just clicked.’

Elena, 22, US@chocolatekoalas

Elena, 22, US

Elena, 22, US

‘Well it all started in high school when my friends were like “hey our friend X is gay now so” and I was like hm interesting.

‘And then I met their girlfriend and I was like “I totally understand why they’re gay” but then I kissed a girl and didn’t like it so I was like “guess I’m straight”.

‘And long story short that girl was just a bad kisser and I’m bisexual as fuck.’

Raina, 20, UK

‘I didn’t really know I was bisexual for years even though the signs were always there.

‘Crushes on male celebrities, musicians, even guys in video games. But I waved it off, not believing that I could possibly be attracted to men.

‘And then I fell for a man while at university and things came into place pretty quickly. The realization literally came to me on a train, and then I was instantly buzzing, thinking about where to go from there.’

Holly, 18, UK@glittaaaaah

Holly, 18, UK

Holly, 18, UK

‘I didn’t realize for a long time actually. The heteronormativity was strong with this one.

‘Now I look back on when I was like, 10, and just learning what sexualities were, and I wonder how I didn’t click.’

Sandy, 22, UK

‘I’m not sure I ever ‘realized I was bisexual’, so much as I came to the dawning realization that other people weren’t.

‘I remember having crushes on people at primary school and those crushes were boys and girls, but it wasn’t until about year six when we started learning the terms gay and straight that I realized everybody else had sort of ‘picked a gender’, which simply hadn’t crossed my mind.

‘My first ‘coming out’ was probably age eleven where my best friend and I revealed secret crushes on a sleepover, hers being a teacher and mine being a girl named Isabelle.

‘However, it wasn’t until I had access to the wondrous resource that is the internet that I realized I had a name for my attraction, and it took until age 14 for me to use the word bisexual about myself out loud.

‘Now, at 22, I’m still learning about what my bisexuality means to me, including shifting definitions away from the binary and cisnormative language.

‘Every now and then I’ll learn something which shifts my relationship with my bisexuality, and as such I’m realizing I’m bisexual every day.’

Daisy, 20, UK@daisy_burton

Daisy, 20, UK

Daisy, 20, UK

‘The first moment I realized I was bi was when I was showing two of my friends in 6th form a video of Joan Jett singing I Hate Myself For Loving You and I just realized that this feeling I had about her was the exact same as regular guy crushes!

‘This was more than a girl crush it was a normal crush! So thanks Joan Jett, you helped a lot and I definitely don’t hate myself for loving you.’

Charlie, 21, UK

‘I had two sort of realization moments. The first felt certain, and the second reaffirmed it for me.

‘One of my friends in school was bi and so it seemed being bi didn’t seem weird to me. When she came out, my opinion on her didn’t change at all.

‘We started looking at topless pictures a friend of hers had taken in a photoshoot once. And I can remember feeling the same way about them as I would seeing a topless picture of a guy. This was when I first started questioning.

‘The next few times me and the friend hang out in her room, we’d fool around. And I quickly began to realize I enjoyed it just as much as I enjoyed fooling around with guys.

‘Then I got a boyfriend. It was a very slowly developing relationship. I remember being so excited for the first kiss to happen, and then when it did – I didn’t really feel anything.

‘I had a bit of an identity crisis and questioned whether I was bi, or whether I was lesbian. Many tears were shed. That relationship soon ended.

‘Then I had to spend a bit of time in my own head before settling on that I was definitely bi, and he just wasn’t the person for me.’


Got a news tip? Want to share your story? Email us .


HAVE YOUR SAY

FREE E-NEWS