Hi there, questioning bisexual person. My name’s Charlie, I’m a very openly and out bisexual person.
Figuring out that you’re bisexual can be tough, because the world can feel binary all the time.
Growing up, I always felt quite comfortable around both sexes.
The very first time I remember questioning whether there was something different about myself was when a friend accidentally kissed me on the cheek good-bye.
While she freaked out and apologized overtly, I didn’t see it as an issue and walked away merrily.
A short while later, a different friend came out as bi and I was incredibly intrigued by the whole thing. A few fumblings around later and looking at lingerie pictures of women, I came to the conclusion of, oh well, I’m bisexual then. Cool. Right.
I came out to my friends as bisexual when I was 14.
Yes, there was a brief moment where a lack of spark with a guy made me think I was a lesbian. This just goes to show that even the most out and proud of us didn’t realize we were bisexual overnight and stick with it forever.
It’s a process, and can take some time.
Here are a few things to consider when you’re figuring out if you’re bisexual.
You’re attracted to more than one gender
This might seem like a rather simple and obvious one but bi people are often told this is just confusion over who they’re actually interested in.
Regardless of the gender of past hook ups/relationships, you are attracted to more than one gender. That’s how bisexuality works.
The majority of my sexual encounters, so far, have been with men. That doesn’t take away my bisexual identity. I also have a girlfriend.
You might have only ever slept with women and drunkenly one night end up going home with a guy. Don’t lie to yourself if you enjoyed it. You might be bi.
You relate to this quote…
Obviously you wouldn’t actually do this.
Bisexuality is being attracted to people regardless of gender. So, hypothetically, what’s down someone’s pants shouldn’t matter.
Is your favorite color a shade of purple?
This is more of a light-hearted point and is often a joke between bi+ people.
But, is your favorite color a shade of purple?
Maybe not even purple!
There is mauve, violet, lavender, plum, magenta, lilac, periwinkle, sangria, eggplant, iris, mulberry and the list goes on.
Other people have noticed
When out with friends, it might not register in your head that you’re checking out people of more than one gender. It’s just normal and natural for you.
Your friends however may notice and realize that you’re bi!
They might point this out to you, and it comes from a good place. They love you and just want to help.
Perhaps, after they make the observation, you feel inclined to agree.
When you read this and think ‘hey that’s me’
Robyn Ochs is an American bisexual activist. She’s editor of Bi Women Quarterly and co-editor of Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World.
She also co-founded the Boston Bisexual Women’s Network and Harvard University’s LGBT Faculty and Staff Group. It’s fair to say she is pretty trustworthy when it comes to bisexual matters.
So now, is this relatable?
You don’t relate to ‘gay culture’
All this talk of gay culture just makes you feel even more uncertain.
Gay culture tweets regularly go viral because they’re just so relatable.
I personally very rarely actually feel like I can relate to tweets that are about ‘gay culture.’
And there’s a reason for not relating to them – because maybe you’re not gay.
You’re not weird
The number of people who identify as bisexual in the UK has increased noticeably over the last few years.
The Annual Population survey found 230,000 people identified openly as bisexual in 2012.
That number increased to 334,000 in 2015.
The Office of National Statistics found in 2016 1.8% of 16 – 24-year-olds identified as bisexual. Only 1.5% said they were gay or lesbian.
It’s really normal to be bisexual and you shouldn’t feel weird or ashamed at all. Just look at people like Kristen Stewart, Cara Delevigne or Nico Tortorella. They’re all happy and out bisexuals. You could be too!
There are bi specific groups
Don’t worry – you don’t have to go through these early stages of coming out alone!
There are bisexual groups all over the world.
Bi Resource has a list of bi groups all over the world which is also really useful.
The label just feels right to you
Calling yourself bisexual might just feel right!
The first few times I told people I was bisexual, or even just said out loud to myself ‘I’m bisexual,’ it felt incredibly natural.
The label you decide to go with might not even bisexual. You could try pansexual or queer on for size.
It’s all about what feels right. But, keep in mind, you’re welcome to change your label if you feel the need to.
Just because you come out once as bisexual, this doesn’t mean you can’t decide you’re queer or pan further down the line.
The main point here is finding what feels right and natural to you.