While you may know that you are polyamorous, you may not know how to specifically find other people like yourself.
It can especially be hard finding other people to date, who are also polyamorous.
Eunice is a bisexual woman who’s helping solve that issue for polyam people in London.
She is an organizer behind Poly Speed Dating, a regular event in London for polyamorous people to meet like-minded others.
One of her partners, Charlotte, also helps run the event.
Poly Speed Dating is a queer friendly space which is ‘sexuality and gender blind.’
This means that everyone will be given time with every single other person at the event, regardless of what both people are looking for. But a badge each person wears will indicate what they are looking for, along with their pronouns.
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‘As safe, accessible and friendly as possible’
Eunice explains that the event is also friendly to solo polyam people. They add: ‘We expect everyone to talk as an individual, one on one, even if one of your partners is also at the event.’
Organizers also provide conversation prompts to encourage sharing and help shy people figure out where to start. The event is also open to people looking to make friends, ‘which is especially helpful to demisexual people.’
At the end of the event, ‘people indicate who they would be happy to share contact details with and exactly which details – not everyone is comfortable sharing their phone number but might prefer an email.’
Only people who have both agreed to share details with the other will be connected. If either person says no, contact details are not passed on. Eunice says this is to ensure the event is ‘as safe and accessible and friendly as possible.’
Then, afterwards, only people who have both agreed to share their contact details with each other will be connected. If either person says no, we don’t send them each other’s contact details. We’ve tried to make it as safe and accessible and friendly as possible.
‘Every person got connected to at least one person’
At the time of this interview, there had only been one speed dating event. Eunice said that ‘quite a few people stayed afterwards to continue chatting.’
They added: ‘We didn’t have a single person who received no contact details afterwards either. Every person got connected to at least one person.’
The idea for the event came from the polyam community itself.
Eunice explained: ‘As organisers, we kept getting people asking “how do I meet polyamorous people to date?” or “where can I meet other polyamorous people?” or “how do I find polyamorous partners?”. While we already run several free monthly meetups, these aren’t always the best places to meet people for dating.’
These monthly meet ups are usually for purely social or education purposes. Organizers discourage people from coming to these meet ups to find someone to hook up with.
‘So finally, we decided to do something about that and set up a speed dating event for polyamorous people that follows all the core principles that we try to follow in the rest of our spaces,’ Eunice continued. These principles are making spaces as queer friendly, accessible, welcoming and diverse as possible.
This interview took place in February 2019.
A ticket to the speed dating event costs £10 ($12.88, €11.40) plus fees. Any profits help fund Polyday UK. This is the largest one day event on ethical non-monogamy in the UK.
Polyday UK runs in October every year. Details regarding Polyday 2019 are yet to be revealed but head over to the Polyday website now to see what took place at the 2018 event.
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