Words by Logan Adams
As someone who is disabled as well as trans, I deal with a lot of ableism as well as transphobia. It’s why I started spreading the message through my work “Disabled is not a dirty word”.
A lot of the time non-disabled people are very uncomfortable with the idea of disability. They view it as something negative.
So when they see a disabled person succeeding and loving life, their answer usually is “I don’t see you as disabled, I see you as having special abilities”.
All of that is to distance themselves from the disabled person they’re talking about and the disability.
Disabled is not a dirty word. It’s not a sad word, it doesn’t determine whether someone’s life is bad or sad, it’s just an adjective.
Just like I’m a trans man and a white man, I’m a disabled man.
I showed the first signs of being trans around 5 or 6. My mom started to tell me to wear shirts, but I argued, my brother didn’t have to wear shirts. In my mind, I was like my brother.
I didn’t have the knowledge of what being trans was, or the ability to describe my experiences. It wasn’t until I was in my teens, I saw a trans/GNC person online and immediately was filled with jealously. I couldn’t understand why I was jealous.
I was trying to figure myself out and I thought I might be non-binary, so I came out of the closet to my mom. I hold her “Sometimes I feel like a boy” Her response was pretty much, “Okay!” and then she would ask me every once in a while, “Is today a boy day? You seem like a boy today.” I would usually answer, “Yeah, it’s a boy day.”
I didn’t explore my gender more or listen to my dysphoria at all until I was 20 and came out as trans at 21.
In the next few years, I got top surgery and started hormones. None of those things are required to be trans, but they’re all the things I personally needed to do to alleviate my dysphoria and help me feel more at home in my body.
The first changes came with the testosterone, my face, body, and voice all changed relatively quickly. I got gendered correctly by a stranger for the first time at about two and a half months on T and that was the best feeling in the world.
Being called Mr Adams by my students brings me a special kind of joy every day.
If I could describe my transition in one word it would be patience. While, looking back, it appears the changes happened pretty quickly, it still felt like it was taking forever while it was happening.
To any trans person just starting out or even years from being able to start, patience is the hardest thing to learn. But it will all be worth it when it finally happens.
For support around transgender-related topics, Mermaids supports transgender, nonbinary and gender-diverse children and young people until their 20th birthday. For more details, go to their website here: mermaidsuk.org.uk