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Five things no gay man should put on their dating app profile

….unless they want to risk being rejected by the man of their dreams

Five things no gay man should put on their dating app profile
© Artofphoto |
Emphasizing what you don't want may actually act as a turn-off to other app users

1. Any mention of being ‘clean’

No, we’re not talking about the fact that you’re familiar with soap, but that you equate being HIV negative as ‘clean’.

Sending out the impression that people who are HIV positive are ‘unclean’ is one of the best ways to stigmatize HIV, will carelessly upset any positive guys who are reading your profile, and mark yourself out as an uneducated idiot.

If you really don’t want to enter into any sort of relationship with someone who has HIV – despite the fact that you’re more likely to become infected from someone who doesn’t know their status than someone who’s positive, on meds and has an undetectable viral load – you can do it without using the word ‘clean’.

2. A heavily-disguised photo

OK, so everyone wants to see a face photo but you don’t want to reveal yourself. Instead, you think you’ll be clever and post a photo wearing a hat and Jackie Onassis shades.

‘Then I can’t be criticized for not posting a photo, right?’

Wrong. There is a reason why people want to see a face shot: they want to see what you look like. Going to great lengths to disguise your appearance just frustrates other users.

If you really don’t want to post a face shot, most people appreciate including one in your first private message.

Posting a close-up photo of your nipple also doesn’t count as a face shot.

Got a pic?

3. No black/asians/arabs/whites/whatever

‘But it’s just my preference!’ I hear you cry.

OK, so you have a type and you don’t want people other than your type contacting you, but here’s the thing about ‘types; they can change.

No, honestly.

Just because you’ve never met someone of a certain color/ethnicity that you wanted to have sex with, doesn’t mean that you never will. You’re limiting yourself – and if you’re looking for love – or sex – you never want to limit your options. Trust me.

When you express your preference to the wrong person…


Secondly, if you’ve never been on the receiving end of one of these ‘don’t contact me because of the color of you skin’ statements (which is basically what you’re saying), you might be unaware quite how crushing they can be, which brings us to…

4. ‘No fats, no femmes’

Again, you may say it’s your preference, but to someone reading these words, it can be a devastating blow to their self-esteem.

Not only are you reinforcing binary gender stereotypes (who are you to say how a man should behave?) and body-shaming guys who are probably already self-conscious about their weight, but you’re projecting yourself as dismissive and bitchy queen. And honey, that’s never a good look.


On a related side-note, if you’re no sure how to politely express disinterest, you may be interested in a poll we conducted. We asked people how they would like someone to respond if they sent them an online compliment and the receiver wasn’t interested.

At the time of writing, 55% said a simple ‘thanks’ and nothing more was enough for them to get the message.

Approximately 18% said they actually preferred to receive no reply or be blocked so that they didn’t waste their time engaging in pointless chit-chat. The rest said that they hoped that an online compliment would still lead to conversation in case a friendship was to develop.

In short, there’s no way to please everyone, but just saying ‘thanks’ and not engaging in further conversation is recognized by most guys as ‘This person’s not really interested.’

5. Your age… minus a few years

In other words, don’t lie about your age. In fact, don’t tell lies, period. If you fear being judged on your age, by all means omit it from your dating app profile. Deciding to lie instead can a) Backfire if the man of your dreams actually has a thing for older men, and b) Might lead to an awkward conversation further down the line if you meet someone, hit it off, and then have to reveal at a later date that you lied.

P.S. Not mentioning your age but using a photo that was taken many years ago also counts as a form of online dishonesty. Sorry.

So what should you put on your dating app profile?

Be honest; project a positive outlook rather than being negative or homophobic against your fellow gay man; and be prepared to reveal yourself.



Main image: © Artofphoto |

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    what about lying about weight? I hear that’s pretty common from a friend who’s -constantly- trawling dating profiles and making catty remarks. “Your weight… minus a few (tens of) pounds”. The statement about an old photo still applies.

    how about grinder installing a lie detector button,,,,,that would find all the up thier own arse queens out for sure,,,,,lol

    Katie Ellen says:

    The vast majority of sex offenders are never caught or convicted, so they never show up on registries. @

    Katie Ellen says:

    The vast majority of sex offenders are never caught or convicted, so they never show up on registries. @

    well said……maybe grinder should install a lie detecter button…

    My son once had the problem of HIV/AID which affected his Education for years,i gave him different medication but there was no solution,i search the net and i found the contact of a doctor,who help me with his product on curing HIV/AIDS, CANCER< HERPES, HEP B, epilepsy problem and other deadly diseases,he also assured me that it is a permanent cure,my son took the medication for just 2 weeks and he was back to normal. for two years now he has been doing fine.I give all thanks to Dr Ariba for helping me out of such problem now am the happiest person on earth for seeing my son doing better can also contact him on [email protected], [email protected] or you can also call or whatsapp on +2348140439497. and get the product.

    In fact most of the aspects I have been including on a dating site except for the physical attraction column…hehehe.feels nice that there r people resonating with this even if its few.

    people starting by asking sexual preference irritates me the most.

    “If you really don’t want to enter into any sort of relationship with someone who has HIV – despite the fact that you’re more likely to become infected from someone who doesn’t know their status than someone who’s positive, on meds and has an undetectable viral load” Usual stigmatisation of HIV-negative people+ false contrast between people who don’t know they’re status and people who are positive and on meds etc.

    Oh–I said “they’re” for “their”–Ah, well, Homer nods.

    Brian Burke says:

    I typically don’t bother with people online that won’t put a face pic of themselves up for me to see. If they want to send me an e-mail with their face as an attachment, that is also a ‘no way’. Most people can tell if someone is gay, so they might as well stop being closeted. Of course, I use a pic of myself that’s several years old, but that’s motly because I haven’t bothered taking new ones. Not that they would be any better than the one I have now. In truth, my fellow gay guys have consistantly dissapointed me as most are unable to be in a long-lasting, loving, and mature relationship as most of them don’t have the necessary emotional and psychological maturity require to maintain ny kind of true partnership.

    People without a visible face picture are the worst

    Ben Wilson says:

    Shut up! If people listen to you we will lose all sense of an idiot filter! It’s grim, but such crap helps to filter out the wrong ‘ens! If everyone behave how will we know?!

    Hahaha dear, I laughed aloud!



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