I’m finding it so hard to love you. Even though you have given me some of the greatest honors of my life and something I’m proud to be a part of, you’ve put sadness at my core.
I will always champion the heritage and legacy you instilled in me – all the joy, the color and even the heartache of a history that lives, in some form, within my soul.
But, somewhere you’ve forgotten what that all feels like and instead quietly fell victim to the darker parts of what being gay can be; shallow. Not entirely, but it’s there.
It’s not all your fault. I’m particularly susceptible to insecurity and negative body image but I feel like you constantly expect me to look and be a certain way and mock me if I’m not; your expectation knows no bounds, your love is elusive and the goal posts are ever moving.
I built everything I am around you because that’s where I thought I belonged.
Well, I’ve made a decision.
It’s time we went our separate ways. Right now, our relationship is poisonous.
I don’t want to change you, you do so many amazing things that no one else can. But, the darker sides of you I can no longer subject myself to being the way I am right now.
I need to work on myself, my image, my perception before I’m strong enough to meet you halfway.
I hope you can forgive me.
I’m leaving now because I’m scared of falling completely out of love with you; a part of me that will always be present and important.
I hope you will let me return one day.
Yours, but not right now.