- Bi activist Lewis Oakley offers some ways you can better fit your bisexuality into your life.
We know that being bisexual can be a tough gig for a lot of people.
When compared with other LGBT+ people, bisexuals are more likely to be in the closet, more likely to be suffering with their mental health, more likely to be poor, experience partner violence, suffer addiction issues. The list goes on and on.
But it’s not all bad, it is possible to be bisexual and happy.
After all, happiness is a state of mind. But every bisexual person will have to find their own individual path to happiness and acceptance. The truth is there is no one answer fixes all solution on this journey. But here are some things to remember.
Be the bisexual you want to be
It may seem odd, but bisexual people are often fighting against people’s preconceptions. So you may not spend much time thinking about what you are rather than what you’re not.
You may also think there are certain things you can’t do. For example, I always felt guilty watching gay porn when in an opposite sex relationship. It felt like all those people who said I was secretly gay – and would end up cheating on my girlfriend – were right.
Ultimately, I realised I was judging myself through the lense of people who didn’t like bisexuals anyway. I need to judge my sexuality and how it manifests in my life by my own standards. And become the bisexual I want to be.
And to me, if straight men don’t feel guilty watching porn when they are in a relationship then why should I?
You have to find the bisexual you want to be.
Are you a bisexual that enjoys sleeping around? Then who cares about stereotypes, do what makes you happy?
Are you the bisexual virgin? Could you only have sex with women but could date anyone? The mysterious bisexual, the bisexual activist, the boring bisexual? Or despite the clear benefits in coming out, does staying closeted work better for you?
Being bisexual may not be a choice. But you can choose how it sits in your life. Maybe it’s not even that important to you?
Find others like you
If you feel like the odd one out among your friends and family, it might be an idea to seek out other bisexuals.
Seeing other people who share your orientation and watching them deal with struggles and walk with pride is empowering. Also someone who has ‘been there and done that’ can be brilliant for offering advice.
It’s worth noting that just because you meet other people with the same sexuality as you, it’s no guarantee you’ll like each other. But if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.
There are an infinite supply of bisexuals out there to choose from.
Rise to the challenge
Ultimately things aren’t going to change – you’re bisexual and that’s that.
You can either rise to the challenge and make it work or spend your life fighting it. Which one do you think will make you most happy?
The fact that bisexuality is invisible is an interesting challenge. If it were a skin colour, there would be nowhere to hide. That may trick some into believing we have more of a choice about being bisexual than we do.
In reality, there is no changing your bisexuality. The only choice you have is how you fit it into your life.
Need more help?
If you need help or you know someone who does, you can find a list of LGBT+ resources and helplines all around the world here.