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Why do other gay men assume who's the top and bottom in our relationship?

'There is definitely still a stigma attached to interracial dating, especially within the gay community, infamous for its "no Black, no Asian, etc" dating profiles'

Why do other gay men assume who's the top and bottom in our relationship?
Jack and Ben fell in love in 2014

A London based couple have picked up a 10k following on Instagram in a matter of weeks after posting photos of their lives together and posing questions and challenging assumptions around interracial dating – which they say still carries great stigma in some sections of society.

Ben, aged 24, and Jack, aged 23, met 2 years ago.

Both of them say that they have been surprised by some of the reactions they have received to the fact that they are a couple – from both straight and gay people.

‘Since starting our relationship, we have always been stereotyped,’ they told Gay Star News.

‘Without going too far into our sex life, gay men have always been very interested in knowing who is the top and who is the bottom.’

A photo posted by Our Swirl Life (@ourswirllife) on

‘The problem is that most people don’t ask, they tell; “Jack is the submissive white bottom and Ben is the dominant black top”. We can’t wait to record a video about this! We find it so weird that it’s totally normal to tell complete strangers how we get “down”!’

A photo posted by Our Swirl Life (@ourswirllife) on

‘One of the funniest reactions we get when we say we’re a couple is from people who are used to gay couples looking a lot like each other… It seems that quite a few “perfect gay boyfriends”, and especially those celebrated in the media, do actually look very similar! We love that we both look and act extremely differently, it really adds another exciting element to our journey.’

In response to the comments they’ve received on Instagram and from friends and family, they’ve now started producing videos and will be exploring some of the issues they say they have encountered being in a interracial relationship.

‘We have experienced a variety of racist incidents, from all parts of the racial spectrum! We have had both white and black people tell us that they disapprove of us dating, and to this day, some are still pushing their racist agenda on us.’

A photo posted by Our Swirl Life (@ourswirllife) on

‘We say that we’ve moved forward as a society, but there is definitely still a stigma attached to interracial dating, especially within the gay community, infamous for its “no Black, no Asian, etc” dating profiles.’

‘Ben’s family are from the Caribbean, a place notorious for its homophobia; Jack’s family are from South-West Wales, which is not exactly known for its ethnic or sexual-orientation diversity! In our case, love won, and we are so grateful’

Watch their first video below, check out some images from their Instagram account and subscribe to their YouTube.


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HAVE YOUR SAY

    Jff Campbell says:

    My partner & I have been together for 26 years (he’s German, I’m American). Cheers to the both of you. Ignore the background noise and get on with the business of enjoying your lives together.

    Linda Peters says:

    What happened to privacy in the bedroom, gay straight or otherwise? And what’s whose on top got to do with it, that’s healthy to rotate in all relationships and not about power/ race issues.

    Tbh it’s not 100% true im gay and I dont assume as im not always thinking about sex nor do i believe in judging people so

    Cute couple. People are going to assume what they assume. Luckily we don’t get too many race comments, if any really. But I get where they are coming from.

    Mina Ite says:

    There is indeed deep skisma to write about and blame gay community and gays of matters that not-gays, so bisexuals do too, even more. So why all negative things are still allways stigmatized just over gays? Moreover such “racism” is not uncommon among heteros either – look at tinder.

    I’m surprised that this is an issue for them. Seems to me there’s a lot of interracial couples(straight and gay) in London/England. Then again, considering Ben’s Carribean background and Jack being from a less diverse area, why would they be surprised at people’s limited thinking and racial viewpoints? Not to mention, black men, historically, have been reduced to nothing but our penises so it’s no wonder that many people assume Ben is the top. My question is…what is their point? Is it to get attention? Is it to validate their relationship? We all know interracial relationships, both gay and straight, happen. They happen all the time. They’re not doing anything unique.

    Rob Baker says:

    How u doin! ���

    Joe Boyle says:

    GREAT GUYS I LOVE GUYS OF ALL RACES MAYBE THATS WHY I HAVEN’T PICKED SOMEBODY. LOL

    I follow them. Have for awhile. And they are very down to earth, decent guys. Great couple.

    Tom Katsumi says:

    I think there’s a problem with the binary, heteronormative ‘top’/’bottom’ expectation to begin with, even before you start unpacking the issues of race. Seems to be becoming the norm in gay society to buy into this.

    i am married to a wonderful hong kong chinese man( HKG is also our home too). here we get “who’s the man and who’s the woman, relfecting the views of the many who see sex between men as viewed from the hetero-normative .. the men in this article make a truly handsome couple…..

    “…picked up a 10k following on Instagram in a matter of weeks…” That’s because they look like models. If they were regular schmoes they’d be lucky to have 100. “Watch their first video below, check out some images from their Instagram account and subscribe to their YouTube.” REALLY GAYSTARNEWS? What do you get outta that endorsment?? Seriously, enough with making every goodlooking couple a “internet sensation” Why does the world need to their personal issues? As RuPaul would say, “What other people think is not their business” Leave ’em alone.

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