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Jessica Lange’s one-liners slayed in her return to American Horror Story

Jessica Lange’s one-liners slayed in her return to American Horror Story

Jessica Lange in American Horror Story: Apocalypse

Jessica Lange has finally returned to American Horror Story and she did not disappoint.

The Academy Award-winning actress appeared as a series regular (in different characters) for the first four seasons of the hit-show.

But it’s her role as Constance Langdon that she reprised for the latest episode – season eight, episode six: Return to Murder House.

During the episode, witch Madison Montgomery (Emma Roberts) and warlock Behold Chablis (Billy Porter) enter the Murder House from season one.

They meet the ghosts trapped in the house, including past characters Vivien Harmon (Connie Britton), Dr. Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott), Tate Langdon (Evan Peters) and Violet Harmon (Taissa Farmiga).

There’s also a brief cameo from a same-sex female couple.

But it’s the iconic performance of Jessica Lange that everyone’s talking about.

So here are her best moments:

1. The entrance

Madison and Behold meet medium Billie Dean Howard (Sarah Paulson – who also directed this episode!), when Constance walks down the stairs holding a cigarette.

She says: ‘Now, who do you think you are? Coming around here, swanning around, spewing vulgarities?’

Madison: ‘We’re the new owners — who are you?’

Constance: ‘I’m Constance Langdon and this is my fucking house.’

2. ‘Old habits die hard’

Right after Madison and Behold meet Constance, they start to introduce themselves in the living room.

Constance says: ‘Well you two are the most unlikely pair. But on the plus side, your spawn will have beautiful skin.’

Billie interjects: ‘They’re witches. It’s magic, not marriage that connects them. They won’t be moving in.

Constance: ‘Well now that is disappointing. I guess I can’t expect you to go running down to the Korean to get me my Crown Royal and Virginia Slims.’

For reference, Crown Royal is a whisky and Virginia Slims are cigarettes.

Madison asks: ‘You drink Crown Royal? You’re dead!’

Constance responds: ‘It’s true that this side of the mortal coil makes it impossible to get a good buzz going but, well, old habits die hard.’

3. Dust

When the maid Moira O’Hara (Frances Conroy) comes in to ask Constance to check her house cleaning, Jessica Lange has a few choice words for her.

Constance: ‘Do you know what this is on the tip of my finger?’

Moira: ‘It appears to be some dust that I missed.’

Constance: ‘No. It’s my sense of wonder. Why, it’s the colour of my leaked curiosity. Tell me, little miss Moira. If you’re going to be an old maid for all eternity, why not be a decent one?’

4. ‘Be careful’

Then later in Moira and Constance’s exchange, Constance says: ‘Be careful — my mother told me pettiness causes wrinkles.’

She adds: ‘It is so hard to find good help.’

Jessica Lange
Jessica Lange. | Photo: FX

5. Abracadabra

Constance wants Madison and Behold to get rid of Moira once and for all.

She tells the witch and warlock: ‘Well, if you really do have witchcraft at your disposal, then why don’t you just abracadabra that goddamn bitch out of my afterlife?’

She adds: ‘Bless me with some peace and quiet. And then we can talk about Michael all you want.’

6. Spilling the tea, honey

The main objective for Madison and Behold visiting the Murder House is to find out information on Michael Langdon.

Madison asks Constance: ‘We need the hot goss on a guy that used to live here.

Constance replies: ‘I know more about that boy than any woman dead or alive. But I don’t spill a drop of tea for free, kiddos.’

Bonus:

Madison and Behold briefly chat with Dr. Ben Harmon when they first enter the house.

But he says that he can’t chat because: ‘I gotta look out of the window and cry while I masturbate.’

Later in the episode, the camera cuts to Ben doing just that.

Then Madison walks in and says: ‘You gonna be much longer, DILF?’

Ben Harmon
Photo: FX

See also:

Stevie Nicks joins latest American Horror Story ep with iconic performance

Joan Collins walks in on American Horror Story’s most explicit gay sex scene to date

Sarah Paulson goes back to the asylum in eerie trailer for M. Night Shyalaman’s Glass