Reed Amber is sitting on a London train explaining why it’s a shame that so many people in the world are too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about sex openly.
Amber is no stranger to talking about sex. In fact, she’s ‘top of the class in sex’.
‘I always knew the most, always obsessed with it, I had the highest sex drive,’ she says.
Amber is one half of the wildly successful YouTube channel and blog, Come Curious. Alongside her co-host and good friend, Florence, the women are ‘trying to be the big sisters… that you didn’t have the opportunity to have the conversations about sex with’.
They’ve now branched into a podcast series called, Fucks Given, where they want to continue normalizing sex through the art of conversation.
‘We don’t try and claim or to say we’ll cure your sex life forever because that’s almost impossible,’ Amber says from the busy train.
‘Everyone’s got their ups and downs.’
Amber has always worked in the sex industry and adult industry, so it’s fitting she met Florence behind the cameras on a porn set.
The two quickly became good friends, moving in together and all they did ‘was talk about sex’.
Their conversations about sex made them realize they had so many unanswered questions about it.
Given they both have university degrees in filmmaking they decided to film their conversations and upload them online.
Amber explains she wanted to open up the conversation about sex, ‘because I just wanted to change things, because I felt so open and I felt so sad thinking people who feel uncomfortable or awkward’.
‘Sex can be uncomfortable and awkward and it’s allowed to be,’ she says.
Every episode Florence and Amber invite a guest on to talk about sex from which even they learn or thing or two.
‘Florence and I wanted to get people in and explore different backgrounds, different sexualities, different genders, because sex isn’t just from the perspective of two white cis females,’ Amber says.
‘It’s from everybody in the world.’
Let’s talk about LGBTI sex
Amber herself identifies as pansexual, so she’s keen to get more LGBTI voices onto F**ks Given.
‘We just want to get more views (about sex), especially from the trans community because they’re so unheard and there’s so much more we can learn,’ she says.
‘If we’ve got an audience why would we use that to just talk about one kind of sex when there’s so many different types?’
‘Sharing is caring.’
The Come Curious girls have a big LGBTI audience on YouTube who engage with their content regularly and are open about their sexual experiences. But that engagement is not crossing over into their podcast and they’re looking for more LGBTI people to interview.
‘We’re finding it tricky to find anyone who’s trans or lesbian. It is very possible we haven’t been as involved in the queer community as we would’ve like to have been just because there’s so much going on at the moment,’ Amber says.
‘I would love to get my hands knee deep into it.
‘It’s something we’re definitely working towards and as identifying as pansexual we welcome all communities and anyone who identifies as what they like.’
Kill them with kindness
About halfway during our conversation, a woman on the train interrupts Amber to criticize her. She’s not happy that Amber is talking frankly and openly about sex and LGBTI issues.
‘A woman was shouting at me for having my conversation on the train, she was like “nobody wants to hear your opinions”,’ Amber says.
Amber is used to the negative comments. She’s been called a slut, had her looks criticized and questioned about why she likes to talk about sex so much.
But she doesn’t back down. Even if someone wants to challenge them on their point of view, Amber is willing to engage and have a conversation.
But if it’s nasty feedback like the woman on the train, Amber refuses to ‘fight back’ because she believes negative people have their own issues to deal with.
‘She must’ve been having a bad day, the poor lady she looked really miserable,’ Amber says about the woman on the train.
‘That’s what we have to deal with, you’re always going to come across people who are negative and don’t agree with what you’re saying. Especially with the blog and podcast, we’re expecting it.’
‘It can be hard because you instantly want to react but that’s never going to work you’re never going to change someone’s opinions if you attack back.’
Instead Amber chooses to ‘kill them with kindness’.
‘It stops them dead in their tracks, they’re not expecting it,’ she says.
‘The f**k that changed you’
In every episode of F**ks Given, Florence and Amber delve into their guests’ pasts and ask them to reveal more about their sexual experiences – including the best f**l and their worst f**k.
But the question that the women love the most and always delivers the most surprising responses is ‘the f**k that changed/made’ their guests.
‘It’s so interesting because everybody says something completely different,’ Amber says.
One guest revealed she lost her virginity to a much older man while on holiday. That f**ck made her realize even though she lost her virginity in a way that society told her was wrong, her body was ready to have sex and that was an important lesson.
‘It changed her life for the better, realizing that it was so special because she was ready for it,’ Amber says.
Those are the kind of conversations Amber wants to keep having. She wants people to know that they’re not alone, they have the same questions and fears about sex, and that it’s time to end the stigma of talking about sex.
‘We hope it helps other people and maybe changes their sex experiences for the future,’ she says.
‘It is gross and complicated. And it’s funny and awkward.
‘We kinda just have fun with it.’
F**cks Given is available on iTunes, Spotify, acast and all other podcast platforms. ‘If you’re interested in being a guest on ‘F**ks Given’ please contact them on Instagram (@ComeCurious).