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This guy sums up why being bisexual is still so difficult

Why is being bisexual still stigmatized?

This guy sums up why being bisexual is still so difficult
Daniel Emba/Bi.org
Daniel Emba grew up in Mexico City and now lives in the US

Being bisexual offers a number of challenges apart from those of gay or lesbian people, says Daniel Emba, a bisexual man, on Bi.org, an information resource for bisexual people.

Emba, 21, is from Mexico City in Mexico. It meant he had a conservative upbringing and often felt compelled to act ‘masculine’ in a way that wasn’t natural to him.

‘Attraction to men is seen as feminine, so this meant hiding my “gay” side. I was not worried about being mislabelled as gay.

‘I knew I was bi, and I was comfortable with that fact.

‘Rather, I was worried about being perceived as “not manly.”

‘It’s ok to be as intimate with another guy as you could want in Mexican culture, as long as it never goes to the level of romance or sex.

‘Even in that regard, there’s a kind of “it’s only gay if you take it” mentality.

Image: Daniel Emba/Bi.org

Image: Daniel Emba/Bi.org

‘I had opportunities to fool around with guys. I was afraid I might like it too much, want something else, something more – and then I’d be mocked for being too “girly.”

While he was in Mexico, Emba only dated girls. He was able to be more open after moving to Oregon, in the US.

This hasn’t solved all his problems. Bisexual people face many of the same – and some different – stigmas.

‘Today, having lived in the United States for about five years, I have begun to notice that U.S. culture has many similarities to Mexican culture.

Emba partying with amBi, a bi-friendly social club

Emba partying with amBi, a bi-friendly social club. Image: Daniel Emba/Bi.org

‘In the U.S. many heterosexual men see bisexual men as less “masculine,” and many gay men look at bi men as more “masculine.” In many instances, straight and gay people see bisexuality as a phase that will pass; they call us liars or pretenders or promiscuous.

‘We bi people are the most stigmatized of the LGBT+ community.

‘Bisexual men are considered sexually promiscuous, so incapable of containing their libido that “they also need men to satisfy their sexual hunger.”

‘Bi men, thus, are seen as so hyper masculine that “any hole will do,” as long as you are the one doing the penetration. On the other hand, if you like to receive penetration, you are seen as too feminine.’

He believes women face stigma of a different sort. ‘Bi women, too, are seen as promiscuous. They are regarded as “sluts” who are addicted to sex.

‘This is because bisexuality is considered “a choice” and not a sexual orientation.’

How can bisexual people be made to feel less like outsiders?


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HAVE YOUR SAY

    Nice article. In my view “Bisexual is one of the most provocative words in the English language”. Here they are many dating sites for bisexual relationships but the top 5 bisexual dating sites of 2016 are http://www.bisexual-datingsites.com/ Join now! “Support Bisexual People”

    Bisexuality is o.k and real, but if a person gay or straight, do not want to date someone who is bisexual I think is o.k too, in a relationship you need to feel comfortable and feel it right for you, it does not mean that men and women who doesn’t date bisexuales are insecure, I’ve met bisexual dudes who only are willing to fool around with guys, others only want to marry a woman, why don’t people complain about them? Because as long as people respect diferences and are clear about them, their choices must be respected, don’t discrminate bisexuals, but if you don’t wanna date them that’s not discrminination, that’s your preference. LGTB, we are a community, let’s support each other, but in the ground of dating anyone can have filters, don’t take it too personal 🙂

    Kat Ottaway says:

    US society, amongst other societies, follow a certain sense fo binarism. you are either straight or homosexual, boy or girl. if your bisexual, pansexual, nonbinary, etc. there is less acceptence because humanity is run on catagories, especailly binary ones, and many have problems with the fact that its not the be all or nd all of reality. There is also big stigma for those who are Asexual as well, because again your either a a being that wants to have sex at some point or another or your mentally unstable. Humanity is a very “or” society.

    Also, where in this article did this man state that “I’m upset because not everyone wants to sleep with me?” Please, point that out to me. It’s supposedly his central complaint.

    Tom Katsumi says:

    dumb shits are dumb…

    Ah, that good ole double standard. Gays, lesbians – they want to be accepted for who they are, sexuality wise, and to live without discrimination and harassment. Why can’t they do the same for bisexuals?

    Keep educating us, Daniel. Your sexual orientation is as valid as all the various others.

    Gary Verge says:

    i don’t believe in bi-sexuality. I think it is simply fear of being labeled gay, so they try to walk thhe line between both.

    Tom Katsumi says:

    Glad we have an expert here – obviously your opinion is more valid than someone who has lived experience.

    “I don’t believe in homosexuality. I think it is simply fear of not finding the right member of the opposite sex for them, so they go with their own gender.” That sounds silly, doesn’t it? It is. Both comments are silly and obsurd.

    Ben Wilson says:

    I have to add that here we have a bisexual saying it’s not fair that people call bi-sexual people promiscuious and his central complaint is that not everyone wants to sleep with him.

    Having grown up and coming out in the 80’s, in the middle of the AIDS Crisis, to come out as Gay & Proud was hard….really, really hard. To do so meant you could lose your job, your housing and/or your family. Many guys claimed to be Bi who were actually Gay because they could ride the fence of public perception without the same challenges or fears. I think the thought of “just wait, he’ll come out completely” is still pervasive. Having grown up and actually known some Bi men, I have a better understanding of their orientation. I think its sad that Gays find it easier to accept Transexuality than Bisexuality but I believe it’s a matter of pure understanding & acceptance……we, as Gays, need to BE as understanding & accepting towards the Bi’s as we expect the Str8’s to be towards US.

    Garry Otton says:

    All men can be ‘promiscuos’. gay, bi or str8. It is one of the knock-on effects of testosterone. Emotions differ in all groups so being committed is something that can be taken on a case-by-case nature. It makes no difference what the orientation is.

    Garry Otton says:

    Atra Mors Temnota I think you need some basic education about sex.

    Sorry, promiscuity has nothing at all to do with testosterone

    Ben Wilson says:

    I like how this avoids the main issue…..If you’re gay or striaght a relationship with a bisexual is problematic and generally avoided because no one wants to have a partner who is sexually on a different level to them. People think they’ll get bored at one point and want some fun with the other sex. That might come out as thinking bi’s are promiscuous, but it’s about a feeling of not being enough for that person. Call that whatever but it’s totally normal for a person to want to have a partner on the same wavelength as them. Bi-sexuals will have to deal with this, much like a gay man can’t expect straight man to turn. Gay outlets often tell us bi sexuals outnumber gays and striaghts, so stop wanting what you can’t have when you have plenty to choose from. This might be why some people use the word ‘greedy.’

    Tom Katsumi says:

    Can’t believe some gay men still think like this.

    Actually, I see that as a person being insecure about their relationship and themselves, and little about their partner’s bisexuality. If they are secure in the fact that what they feel is love, then the bisexual’s faithfulness would never come into question.

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