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Putting the sexual into transsexual

Putting the sexual into transsexual

I took a photo the other day of me in a bodycon dress and I must admit I felt pretty sexy.

But, that being said, it made me look back to how I used to dress a few years ago. So I did a comparison. Even though the style of the dresses is both bodycon bandage, I look completely different.

I know I’ve changed a lot over time – my makeup has got better, my hair is a lot darker, my lips are far fuller. The overall image is different. Yes, I’m still dressed sexy but I think now it’s in a more classy way.

So what struck me was not only ‘Damn, what was I thinking?’ but that I was putting the sexual into transsexual.

When cisgender (non-transgender) girls grow up they have their childhoods and early teens to play dress up and experiment with their emerging looks.

They get to do all the fashion no-no’s super early. They dress provocatively and they try their hardest to come across as sexy and attractive to feel better, more confident and to attract attention.

By the time they get to their adulthood, they have normally found the style that works best for them. They realize you don’t have to have boobs and ass out to look sexy – although for some, that’s a bonus!

So when it comes to us transwomen it made me think a lot about how I dressed and acted in order to feel like I would be accepted as a woman to society.

We don’t have our early teens to go crazy on makeup, hair, big heels and revealing clothes. So as soon as we get the chance, we take it and go crazy – well the majority of us. It’s our first opportunity to splash out and dress in the clothes we have been dreaming of.

For myself, I admit the porn industry had a big impact on how I presented myself to the public. I dressed in clothes that were way too small and had so much flesh on show I made Adam and Eve look conservative.


For me transsexual porn stars were the only style role models I could aspire to be like because they seemed to be the most wanted and most attractive and ‘passable’ transwomen out there. They were the ones men seemed to want and seek. If I replicated that, I would be wanted by men too.

I think the real reason a lot of trans girls in the early stages, especially the young ones, make the mistake of trying to look like porn stars is because we feel this is what men want and this is what is going to make us super passable and desired.

It’s hard to feel like we are competing not only against cisgender females but also other transgender women too. We all want to look and feel the best. We all want to be wanted.

But if guys are really looking for this, how come many of us still don’t have them queuing up?

My theory is the attention we feel we should get – which is admiration and love when we dress super sexy – isn’t the attention society seeks to give us.

Anyone and everyone can stand out like a sore thumb when a lot of their body is on show. And it can bring as much negative attention and judgments as positive. I’m not saying transgender girls need to cover up but by being too sexual, we may not get the attention we want.

I’ve learned having less on show makes me come across classier, more mysterious, quirky and attractive. I get much more attention from men these days than when I dressed like a Barbie doll.

For me, the way to look our best is to take the sexual out of transsexual and just be yourself. We don’t need to try too hard because there will always be someone out there for us.

As long as you’re comfortable and confident it’s ok to dress how you want. But if you don’t own it you might not attract the right kind of attention.

My advice now to someone still early in their transition is to step away from what you think men want and try to look at women in your everyday lives – how they dress, act and walk.

You can still come across as sexual but in a subtle way. Simple things like twirling your hair and just being cute can make a guy look at you in the same way he would if you were stripping off. A pair of skinny jeans and a cute top can still make you look super fem and attractive without being virtually naked.

I’d be interested in what other people think, and if you leave a comment or question below, I’ll try to respond next time.