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Read what this Christian pastor promises to do if his children are gay

A Christian pastor in North Carolina has been amazed by the reaction to one of his recent blog postings, in which he wrote about what his reaction would be if any of his children grew up and told him that they were gay

Read what this Christian pastor promises to do if his children are gay
Photo: Pranee Loffer/Beauty For Ashes Photography
Pastor John Pavlovitz and his family

John Pavlovitz [pictured here with his family] is an 18-year local church ministry veteran.

He is currently the pastor of a house church community called North Wake House Church, and also a volunteer at North Raleigh Community Church.

He is married to wife, Jennifer, and has two young children, Noah and Selah. He’s also a keen blogger, and a blog that he posted last week – entitled ‘If I Have Gay Children: Four Promises From A Christian Pastor/Parent’ has gone viral and prompted thousands of comments.

The reason? Because he believes he would treat his LGBTI children with exactly the same love and support as if they were straight, and would pray that they weren’t the victims of ignorance or hatred.

‘I was prepared for some people to applaud it, and for others to condemn it,’ he said afterwards. ‘That’s what happens whenever you put an opinion out there. I was fully prepared for the waves of both support and hostility that accompany any vantage point, especially on a controversial topic like this.

‘What I was not prepared for in any way, were the literally hundreds and hundreds of people who have reached out to me personally to thank me for bringing some healing and hope to their families; for giving them a message they rarely get from Christian leaders.

‘Many parents, children, and siblings have confided in me – some for the first time anywhere – telling of the pain, and bullying, and shunning they’re received from churches, pastors, and church members.

‘They have shared with me their stories of exclusion, isolation, of unanswered prayers, of destructive therapies, of suicide attempts, and of being actively and passively driven from faith, by people of faith.

‘This is why I do what I do; to let people who’ve been damaged or excluded, feel seen, known, and loved.’

Read Pavlovitz’s post below, and check out his blog at


If I Have Gay Children: Four Promises From A Christian Pastor/Parent

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll have gay children.

I’m not sure if other parents think about this, but I do; quite often.

Maybe it’s because I have many gay people in my family and circle of friends. It’s in my genes and in my tribe.

Maybe it’s because, as a pastor of students, I’ve seen and heard the horror stories of gay Christian kids, from both inside and outside of the closet, trying to be part of the Church.

Maybe it’s because, as a Christian, I interact with so many people who find homosexuality to be the most repulsive thing imaginable, and who make that abundantly clear at every conceivable opportunity.

For whatever reason, it’s something that I ponder frequently. As a pastor and a parent, I wanted to make some promises to you, and to my two kids right now…

1) If I have gay children, you’ll all know it.

My children won’t be our family’s best-kept secret.

I won’t talk around them in conversations with others. I won’t speak in code or vague language. I won’t try to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes, and I won’t try to spare the feelings of those who may be older, or easily offended, or uncomfortable.

Childhood is difficult enough, and most gay kids spend their entire existence being horribly, excruciatingly uncomfortable. I’m not going to put mine through any more unnecessary discomfort, just to make Thanksgiving dinner a little easier for a third cousin with misplaced anger issues.

If my children come out, we’ll be out as a family.

2) If I have gay children, I’ll pray for them.

I won’t pray for them to be made ‘normal’. I’ve lived long enough to know that if my children are gay, that is their normal.

I won’t pray that God will heal or change or fix them. I will pray for God to protect them; from the ignorance and hatred and violence that the world will throw at them, simply because of who they are.

I’ll pray the He shields them from those who will despise them and wish them harm; who will curse them to Hell and put them through Hell, without ever knowing them at all. I’ll pray that they enjoy life; that they laugh, and dream, and feel, and forgive, and that they love God and humanity.

Above all, I’ll pray to God that my children won’t allow the unGodly treatment they might receive from some of His misguided children, to keep them from pursuing Him.

3) If I have gay children, I’ll love them.

I don’t mean some token, distant, tolerant love that stays at a safe arm’s length. It will be an extravagant, open hearted, unapologetic, lavish, embarrassing-them-in-the-school cafeteria, kind of love.

I won’t love them despite their sexuality, and I won’t love them because of it. I will love them; simply because they’re sweet, and funny, and caring, and smart, and kind, and stubborn, and flawed, and original, and beautiful… and mine.

If my kids are gay, they may doubt a million things about themselves and about this world, but they’ll never doubt for a second whether or not their Daddy is over-the-moon crazy about them.

4) If I have gay children, most likely; I have gay children.

If my kids are going to be gay, well they pretty much already are.

God has already created them and wired them, and placed the seed of who they are within them. Psalm 139 says that He, ‘stitched them together in their mother’s womb’. The incredibly intricate stuff that makes them uniquely them; once-in-History souls, has already been uploaded into their very cells.

Because of that, there isn’t a coming deadline on their sexuality that their mother and I are working feverishly toward. I don’t believe there’s some magical expiration date approaching, by which time she and I need to somehow do, or say, or pray just the right things to get them to ‘turn straight’, or forever lose them to the other side.

They are today, simply a younger version of who they will be; and today they’re pretty darn great.

Many of you may be offended by all of this, I fully realize. I know this may be especially true if you are a religious person; one who finds the whole topic disgusting.

As you’ve been reading, you may have been rolling your eyes, or clicking the roof of your mouth, or drafting familiar Scriptures to send me, or praying for me to repent, or preparing to Unfriend me, or writing me off as a sinful, evil, Hell-bound heretic… but with as much gentleness and understanding as I can muster; I really couldn’t care less.

This isn’t about you. This is a whole lot bigger than you.

You’re not the one I waited on breathlessly for nine months.
You’re not the one I wept with joy for when you were born.
You’re not the one I bathed, and fed, and rocked to sleep through a hundred intimate, midnight snuggle sessions.

You’re not the one I taught to ride a bike, and whose scraped knee I kissed, and whose tiny, trembling hand I held, while getting stitches.
You’re not the one whose head I love to smell, and whose face lights-up when I come home at night, and whose laughter is like music to my weary soul.
You’re not the one who gives my days meaning and purpose, and who I adore more than I ever thought I could adore anything.
And you’re not the one who I’ll hopefully be with, when I take my last precious breaths on this planet; gratefully looking back on a lifetime of shared treasures, and resting in the knowledge that I loved you well.

If you’re a parent, I don’t know how you’ll respond if you find out your children are gay, but I pray you consider it.

One day, despite your perceptions of your kids or how you’ve parented, you may need to respond in real-time, to a frightened, frantic, hurting child; one whose sense of peace, and identity, and acceptance; whose very heart, may be placed in your hands in a way you never imagined… and you’ll need to respond.

If that day should ever come for me; if my children should ever come out to me, this is the Dad I hope I’ll be to them.

Read the original blog posting, and comments, here.

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    Wonderful man and human being. Brave pastor and parent. Kudos to him!

    I agree love your children do not cause them harm but as a minister you know you can’t rewrite The Bible to to suit our worldly desires I agree pray no one abuses them but even the bigger job than being the Father is being their Pastor. However in all you said you would pray for God on their behalf unless I am mistaken I never seen where you would pray for their souls. You don’t have to hide them on a closet nor try to pray the desires they have away but you do have to teach them the ways of God as their Father and Pastor. Every one should be loved and never mistreated because they sin but your love and your life can’t get anyone into Heaven. I am not judging because I have people I love that are gay and I hope that God’s mercy can get them to Heaven

    Pastor John, can I just give you a great hug? Thank you for understanding all families may go through this at one time or another.

    Whew! This is a tough one. First off I don’t believe anyone who is actively seeking a relationship with God should ever be shunned or turned away from a church. We are commanded to love everyone and not to judge them, that’s His job. I do however trust and believe His word ( all of it) is true and still applicable to our lives. I have read in the old and new testaments that this is against God’s word. I guess for me it goes something like this: Sin is sin, we are are guilty of some form of it. If we trust in Jesus’s completed work and repent we are saved. We are not to use His gift of salvation as a get out of jail free card, His word does say He will give them up to an unreprobate spirit. I think the key here is He, again it’s His job to judge the heart. Ours is to love.

    God did not wire anyone’s child to be gay. That’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read. That’s like claiming that God wired the pedophile to be a pedophile. Or He wired a murderer to be a murderer. That’s goofy and that is dangerous teaching. God loves the sinner but hates the sin and He is pretty clear of His views on homosexuality. With that said, I agree with everything else you said. Religion is religion but Christianity (true Christianity) is loving people no matter what state their life is in. I have gay friends who I love dearly and would do anything for if they need me, but I won’t tell them that their lifestyle is ok with God and give them the false hope that God wired them that way and so they are okay with God. Jesus Christ is the only way to God the Father. To be “born again” one must receive Christ as Lord and Saviour which also puts accountability for us to turn from our former sinful life. Homosexuality (in God’s eyes….according to His Word) is no different than adultery, murder, hatred, hands that she’s innocent blood (abortion), etc. None of these are unforgivable sins BUT maintaining a lifestyle of any of these WILL keep you from heaven.

    However and this, irrelevant of the various interpretations given to 3000 year-old religious books on homosexuality ; one cannot compare the attraction, love & relationships uniting CONSENTING ADULT (or similar aged) homosexuals, bisexuals &/or heterosexuals with bestialists, pedophiles & rapists (which ALL VIOLATE their victims totally against their consent or wills)

    The Bible was written by man, and man has, does and will always distort the truth until it suits his own ideology.

    Nancy Holmseth I’m at a loss as to how you consider my comments as casting a stone. I speak the truth as represented in the Bible and the Word says that the Bible is of no private interpretation so what God says is what He means. I’m not judging anyone but as a Christian, I can differentiate between right and wrong and that is in no way judging anyone. The law already does that. I don’t have the authority not the right to judge anyone but I can point them to the truth and the truth is what I spoke.

    That is between the sinner and God. Who are you to cast that stone??

    A Preacher friend of mine said to me GOD loves all his children he just don’t like the sin we do and with that being said I agree with you so lets get an amen from gods people

    Tolerance and the Golden Rule are far more important than any formal religion. Tolerance and Religion are not compatible . . . by definition. Such is IPSOism.