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This gay guy saw a ‘bottoming coach’ to learn how not to be a ‘total top’

This gay guy saw a ‘bottoming coach’ to learn how not to be a ‘total top’

Do you dare to bottom? | Photo: Lucas Entertainment

The beauty of being a gay man is that you have multiple options in the bedroom.

You can be a top, a bottom, bottom from the top and top from the bottom. But what if you’ve lived your sexual life stuck in a box?

C Brian Smith, a writer for Mel Magazine, has always identified as a top.

He said he feels like he had a lot of internalized homophobia.

Bottoming and internalized homophobia

However, he said he also felt like it was a ‘fear of shitting the bed while impaled by a fencepost’.

Smith decided, as a New Year’s resolution, to lose his ‘receptive anal V-card’.

Ken Howard, founder of GayTherapyLA, was his ‘bottoming coach’.

A gay men’s specialist therapist in Los Angeles, Howard helped him stop thinking of bottoming as ‘subordinate, submissive and feminine’.

‘You say those like they’re bad things,’ Howard told him, saying he used to hang out with tough Marines who preferred to bottom.

‘They considered it a status symbol,’ he said. ‘Like being able to run a mile with a bunch of weight on your back.’

Smith learned the importance of relaxing his two inner anal sphincters. Also, it’s important for starter bottoms to begin sex in a position that allows you to control the speed.

He also briefly mentioned how some men use poppers.

Butt waxed

Smith also had his butt waxed.

Before the ‘big day’, Smith practiced with toys and fingers to help reduce pain and nerves.

He said: ‘Dry(ish) runs can be done at home using nothing more than fingers, toys and deep breathing.’

And then, Smith also learned more about pre-sex douching and the importance of fiber. He also get a prescription for PrEP.

Dr. Mark McCormack, a professor of sociology at the University of Roehampton,, said: ‘Decreased homophobia is allowing straight men to be more emotionally intimate and explore anal, but it’s also enabling some gay men to be less concerned about having to prove they’re as macho as their straight counterparts.”

See also

This is how bi men and ‘masc’ gay men can both get over bottom shame

It’s time we drop gay stereotypes about who’s top and who’s bottom

Bottom shaming: Why my first experience of gay sex was a disaster