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This hilarious bisexual comic is looking for love on Tinder aged 85

This hilarious bisexual comic is looking for love on Tinder aged 85

  • From marrying a nun to playing the dutiful housewife, D’yan Forest has done it all and is still going strong.
D'yan Forest.

At the age of 85 I never thought I would be single but here I am. Happy, healthy, hot to trot and still on the look-out for Mr or Mrs Right.

I haven’t always been single. Prior to graduating from Middlebury College (in Vermont) in 1956 they offered a marriage course on how to be a good wife. It was supposed to prepare me for married life.

Those were the days when women got degrees but then they didn’t use them. The only degree they were really sent there to get was a ‘Mrs’ Degree. Women then settled into a nice suburban life and played the dutiful part of a wife.

I played that role for a short time when I married a nice Jewish boy named Irwin Cohen in 1958. Well Irwin had many shortcomings as a husband including, he didn’t know how to pleasure a woman. That wouldn’t normally bother me but since the woman was me, that didn’t work out.

I married a nun before gay marriage was legal

After my divorce I was still very innocent. And I ended up in Paris where the world of sex and women and men opened to me. It was in Paris where I had my first girlfriend.

In the years in between then and now, I’ve had numerous relationships with both men and women. I was also in a 25-year relationship with a woman. I basically married a nun (that’s another story) before gay marriage was legal.

I thought I would spend the rest of my life with the Nun but that was not meant to be and in my early 70’s I found myself single again.

Well what’s a spry, vivacious, libidinous, 70-year-old supposed to do in this new age of dating?

Join Tinder obviously.

D'yan Forest performing in Montmartre, Paris.
D’yan Forest performing in Montmartre, Paris. Tris Reid-Smith

‘I’m just really thirsty’

At first, I tried the dating sites. In America, we have a dating website for seniors. It’s called ‘Our Time’ and they run a lot of commercials.

The real people look nothing like the commercials. They’re ancient. It should be called ‘Our Time Is Up’. Most of them don’t post a picture because they don’t know how.

I’m not looking for true love, just a roll in the hay with someone who won’t kill me. After my last physical, my doctor said, ‘D’yan, you’re in great shape but you gotta realize that at your age, you could go at any time, so I want you to start having sex responsibly.’

So, I still have sex – but now I do it in a coffin because I like to be prepared. Of course, there are some guys who won’t do it in coffins because they’re wimps.

So, then I heard about Tinder which I joined in New York. I also used it when I lived in Paris again for two years.

Now these guys and girls will do it in a coffin, the trunk of a car or a crowded bus.

And since I go both ways, I have more chances. And on Tinder you can check ‘Men’ or ‘Women’, or you can check both! That’s what I call one stop shopping!

And here’s how I look at it. If you’re thirsty and somebody offers you a drink of water, you don’t ask if it’s Evian or Poland Spring. You just drink it. Sex is the same. I don’t care if you’re male or female, I’m just really thirsty.

‘Can I see your tits?’

When I heard about Tinder I hesitated for about 30 seconds and then I got on it. I posted my pic and I got hits from a half dozen guys between the ages of 19 and 34 – the year I was born.

That’s a good sign, right? They all said they were good looking, but their photos weren’t of their faces. There’s was a head, just not the one on top of one’s body. The women were a bit more reserved. None of them sent me pictures of their boobs although that would have been nice.

My first chat was with Brett who was 24.

Him: I like older women.

Me: Great! Me too!

Him: Can I see those old boobs!

Men! From age 9 to 109, it’s the same conversation. Hello, hello, can I see your tits? It’s been like that since Adam met Eve. Hi. Hi. Delicious apple. Can I see your tits?

‘You remind me of my aunt’

These days I go out with mostly younger women. Not entirely by choice, everyone else is dead. 

One woman on Tinder once said to me ‘you remind me of my aunt’.

Well where there’s a will, there’s a way. Well, I’m 85 so I have a will (and a house in Hamptons) so if there’s a young woman who always had a thing for their aunt, I’m going to find them!

The last woman I met on Tinder was too old for me. She was 10 years younger and had no interest in sex. She just wanted to talk about her aches and pains. If I wanted that, I would go cruise an old people’s home.

So as of now, I’m still single and looking. My motto is ‘love has no age,’ and ‘it’s not over until the fat lady is dead’.

And while I make a lot of jokes about sex, I would love nothing more than to find a loving, interesting, sexy partner to share my life with. Because just because you’re 85, it doesn’t mean you should give up and be alone if that’s not what you want. 

I’d also like to add that until recently I’ve kept my sexuality as a secret for the last 50 years but now everyone who would have had an issue with it is dead! Age has its perks!

I have no regrets and I’m thankful the world is changing, and people are freer to live their authentic lives. Love is love. Now on to the next adventure…

Meet D’yan

D’yan performs regularly in New York and Paris. To find out more about her please visit her site.

On 31 July, she will turn 86! If you’re in New York come celebrate life and love with her at Joe’s Pub at the Public where she’ll be performing her hit cabaret show, Swinging on the Seine!