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Gay men, stop hot-shaming me for going to the gym

This personal trainer says other gay men’s insecurities lead to assumptions around those who enjoy working out

Gay men, stop hot-shaming me for going to the gym
Dave Tyson (Photo: @dtysmotivation | Instagram)

A personal trainer in Virginia, US, has taken to Instagram to respond to criticism he hears from other gay guys.

Dave Tyson gained attention last month after an Instagram posting in which he declared to the world that he is a submissive bottom.

Raised in a homophobic environment, he says he wanted to talk about his sex life to challenge notions about masculinity in the African American community.

‘They believe men like me only date guys who hit the gym for their looks’

Besides being shamed for being a sub bottom, Tyson says he’s also picked up on comments from other gay guys because he’s muscle-bound.

He says some gay guys carry prejudice towards those who want to take care of themselves in the gym. There’s a myth that all they have to offer is muscles. Some also believe that muscle queens are not interested in anybody other than other muscle queens.

In an Instagram posting, Tyson bluntly asks: Have you ever thought that’s not the case?’

This is how the conversation goes…

Him: Well, I don’t have a body like yours so let me guess you don’t want to talk to me.

Me: lol I don’t have a body like a lot of guys I think are hot I don’t count myself out though.

Him: Well I’m more concerned about personality than I am abs.

Me: Well, me too, but I think that’s a very insecure statement.

Him: Why’s that?

Me: Well, l initially you thought for me by comparing our body types and made the assumption I’m no longer interested. Or I wouldn’t be.

‘Then you went on to further emphasize your statement by saying ”I’m more concerned with personality than abs.” Typically guys say that from insecurity or they believe men like me only date guys who hit the gym for their looks which isn’t the truth at all.

‘See guys like me date guys who hit the gym because it’s a nonverbal Q of how they feel about themselves. It says “I care about my health and doing what I can to prolong my life for and with my loved ones as much as possible.”

‘Oh the body is lovely but guys like me recognize that’s only a by-product of him wanting to take care of himself.’

‘Men try to bully me for liking and choosing to date men who like to take care of themselves’

Tyson – who is currently single – goes on to explain his thinking.

‘This story was made up but it came from countless conversations I’ve had. See gay people talk of unity but yet, difference is so intolerable in this community.

‘Men try to bully me for liking and choosing to date men who like to take care of themselves well, good luck. I don’t like bullies anyway.’

Another comment he hears is, ‘looks fade.’

‘Correct they will. But science has shown and proven that a person who takes care of themselves will slow down the biological clock and can look 10-20 years younger than what they actually are. Y’all saw some of these hot ass daddies on Scruff?’

Dave Tyson

‘Nothing excites me more than educating myself’ (Photo: @dtysmotivation | Instagram)

Attention seeking

He also has little time for those who think he people just go to the gym to improve their looks. Or ‘Y’all just do it for attention.’

‘No hater we do it for our health. And if you can’t even take care of yourself, da fuck you want me to believe you’re going to take care of me for?’

His end message?

‘Don’t let anybody bully Y’all with their insecurities!! You teach them better with your confidence.’

What prompted the posting? Has he had negative comments on social media and over apps?

‘I decided to write this post to bring awareness to the fact that the LGBT community who claims to want unity doesn’t see how they bully others. I mean really, in today’s world people get picked on for taking care of themselves and wanting that quality in a partner.’

Does Tyson think some people assume guys with muscles can’t also have intelligence or other interests besides the gym?

‘Yes, I wholeheartedly do but I recognize most of those assumptions come from a person’s own insecurities and convictions.

‘I say insecurities because they only compare the physical. They see fit guys who train 5-6 times a week with nice bodies and compare to their lack of and that’s it. So they start hurling insults and assumptions never thinking what it may mean for us.

‘I get some people who hit the gym are insecure so they rely on their bodies for appeal but for me and many others that’s not so. I want to remain healthy. The body that comes with me training is just a byproduct of my decision to live a happy healthy life.

‘Most guys know they should be taking better care of themselves. They just lack the drive and ambition so they want to ridicule us who don’t lack those two things. Or who value fitness as an important aspect of our lives.’

‘All the negative feedback I got came from the gay community’

Lastly, how did his coming out as a sub bottom go down with people?

‘I got tons of positive feedback from the straight and gay community. All the negative feedback I got came from the gay community. Which was expected. A community that’s always crying for equality but can’t treat each other as equal. How ironic is that?

‘Difference is so intolerable in the LGBT community: You can’t be fit and only like fit men; you can’t be black on only date white men; you can’t be masculine and a bottom. Did I miss the rules and guideline book upon coming out the closet? Boy oh boy! But I love it. It is what it is.

‘To a man that’s firm in his stance, a day of drama feels the same as a day of peace. I’m unbothered by it.’

See also

Why I’m coming out to my family and the world as a submissive bottom


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