RuPaul’s Drag Race star Trixie Mattel, who is a contestants on the upcoming All-Stars season, shows us how to make a sandwich in this hilarious video.
‘I’m gonna teach you how to make peanut butter and jelly,’ Trixie says. ‘Because, I’m going to be honest with you, I’m a vegetarian and I don’t know how to make a goddamn single other thing.’
First, we start with bread. ‘Bread is great. Bread is a carb,’ Trixie explains.
Next, it’s peanut butter. ‘I prefer crunchy peanut butter because it reminds me that I still have teeth,’ she deadpans.
Unable to open the jar’s seal by hand, Trixie stabs it with a knife. ‘Perfect!’
‘I like a lot of peanut butter because, to me, it’s kind of like the whole fantasy,’ she says while spreading a giant glob of peanut butter onto a slice of bread.
‘We’re going to do this the way the Chinese read – which is right to left,’ she states while spreading the peanut butter. ‘Wait, is that right? It’s Arabic? Oh… is it exhausting knowing everything?’ she asks someone off-camera.
Then, strawberry jam comes out. She spreads it on the other slice of bread.
‘This is adversity,’ Trixie says about the slice of bread with peanut butter. ‘And this is you,’ she says motioning to the slice with jelly. ‘And this is you overcoming your adversity,’ she says as she pushes the two slices of bread together. ‘Awh!’
‘Does anybody here actually like crust?’ Trixie wonders, while raising her own hand.
‘I mean, life is short. Do you want to spend it eating the burnt perimeters of bread?’ she ponders while cutting off the crusts.
‘And these, nobody eats those. We don’t need to eat those,’ she says, pushing the crusts to the side.
Next, it’s time to cut the sandwich.
‘So, I like to do a triangle,’ she says as she cuts the sandwich diagonally. ‘It’s really about presentation when you’re making something this stupid.’
‘So, you are a homo. And you are in a wig in your kitchen. You gotta like, up the drama a little bit,’ Trixie states.
She then goes on to sprinkle some edible glitter onto the sandwich. ‘It’s so pretty!’
‘You don’t want your sandwiches to fall apart,’ she says while inserting toothpicks into each half.
‘I’m gonna call it the Peanut Butter & Don’t Be Jelly,’ she announces.
‘So now you’ve had your dinner. Now you can have your after dinner cocktail,’ she says.
‘A glass is a good start!’
‘It’s good to put ice in your drink,’ Trixie says. ‘Because when the ice melts, you’ll have more drink.’
Next, she opens a bottle of Malibu Rum.
‘So this drink is called The Barbie Girl. And it’s really beautiful because it’s bright pink and super girly,’ she explains. She then jokes about how she couldn’t open the peanut butter but had no problem opening a bottle of alcohol.
‘What I do is I put a splash in and when everyone leaves the room, I plop more in.’
Then, Trixie opens a bottle of vodka.
‘Now we need an ounce of vodka,’ she says before taking a shot.
‘Now we’re gonna get some of the color we need. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m gay enough that the drink has to taste good but also has to look good.’
She pours an ounce of cranberry juice into the glass, along with an ounce of orange juice and an ounce of pineapple juice.
And, seeing the shot glass glide across the table seemingly on its own, Trixie gets sidetracked. ‘This is like the movie Carrie! Is this an alcoholic Ouija board?’
‘You’re going to need a fruit garnish,’ she says while holding a lime, before telling us the importance of having two cutting boards.
‘This is missing something. Make it a little more fun, a little more gay,’ she says before dropping a Pixie Stick and wind-up toy into the drink.
The second drink
‘Now that’s the drink for your friend,’ Trixie explains. ‘Now this is where it gets serious. Let me show you how to make the drink for you.’
She starts by filling a glass with more ice.
‘We’re going to make the same drink but we’re going to eliminate the drama of the fruit juices,’ she says.
‘I know what you’re thinking, “oh my god, they’re going to know right away that you’re not drinking the same drink.” Follow me here, food coloring.’
She mixes orange and pink food coloring into the second drink with a knife. Noticing the drinks still look different, she adds some food coloring into the first drink as well.
‘The real gag is, they’re both for you,’ she says, taking a sip of each drink.
Watch the whole video below: