When someone mentions their sexuality do you automatically put them into specific categories: ‘gay,’ ‘lesbian’, ’bi’ or ‘straight’? Or do you, like me, blur the lines and believe that a person’s sexuality defies categories?
Do you think these groups we place people in will one day cease to exist and sexuality will be fluid, unlimited and not boxed into one teeny-weeny category?
As much as I believe that society is now accepting homosexuality, there is still a lingering matter that no one really cares to touch upon. It is the sensitive, particularly for males, topic of bi-curiosity.
Whether they like to admit it or not, some guys will at one point in their life harbor same-sex tendencies.
The point of this article is not to bash guys that are, or have been, curious. Instead I want to open up discussion and examine the stigma attached to heterosexual males who have ‘experimented’ or had ‘experiences’ with another guy.
I’ll be honest here; I’ve been a guys ‘test dummy’ more than a couple of times in the past. The reason I refer to it so crudely and cheaply is because after these affairs were conducted, that’s how I was made to feel. That’s how the straight party felt about it: It was cheap, maybe even dirty.
That response is, while not universal, fairly common. So this topic will likely conjure up some uncomfortable feelings with some people. But we should address it all the same.
Why does society give a ‘curious’ guy such a beating should they experiment with another man? I’ve seen it happen: Rumors fly and the heterosexual, who perhaps is teetering on the edge bisexuality, is branded a ‘poof’ and ridiculed which makes them ashamed of their feelings.
Yet if he were to simply come out as gay, nobody would bother as much. So why do males feel the need to mock their peers for simply expressing feelings that they, those that do the mocking, have likely felt themselves?
It seems like a faux-masculine cover up to assert themselves as the alpha male. But to my mind, the guy that made the brave choice to experiment, knowing full well the possible consequences, is actually the most masculine of the lot. He is strong enough to resist society’s pressures.
As much as I pity those who struggle with their orientation and have suffered abuse from the pack of drooling, narrow-minded bigots they call peers, there are some guys that really don’t handle it the right way.
I’ve seen myself cut off, lied about; I’ve had transparent and cowardly excuses tossed at me ‘I was just messing around’ and ‘I was just teasing you’ and, my personal favorite, ‘I was drunk, I don’t really remember it.’
As I said, I know it can be hard, but at the same time some of you guys need to grow a pair of balls and not treat the gay party in your experiment like a piece of garbage.
I’ve seen it happen to friends (as well as myself) and more often than not the heterosexual will sharply and brutally sever all friendship ties and likely cease contact.
When I was in my early teens, I could understand this. Obviously there’s a lot of peer-pressure on everyone at that age and I could understand why a straight, or mostly straight, guy would want to avoid being bullied if they could.
However as an adult I’ve found myself in similar situations over the last couple years, with guys in the same age bracket as me. And has it changed? No, it has not. There’s only one difference: The gay guy is seen as a predator when really it takes two to tango.
Why is it okay for a straight guy to check out a woman he will likely never get with, when a homosexual does the same to a heterosexual he’s automatically denounced as a sleazy, predatory creep.
I’ve often witnessed people speeding to the straight person’s ‘rescue’: ‘He’s not gay, leave him alone’ and ‘you should know better’.
That’s really not ok, particularly when it has been the ‘straight’ guy expressing interest in the gay man to begin with – yet no-one sees or believes that.
Take another example: A group of fellas on a night out can make crude remarks to a girl and it’s laughed off. Yet if a group of gay men were to do the same to a straight guy, suddenly it’s harassment and not ok. Actually, neither of these is ok – nobody should be objectified. But in practice there’s often a double-standard.
Why? Because we are, to a degree anyway, shackled by our sexuality. We place people in categories and should a tempting breeze ever come along and blow them onto the borders of another sexuality, society cannot cope.
We label everything. I am gay, I like men, but that’s not to say that one day I won’t meet a woman and fall madly in love. Yet society dismisses that possibility. So I am now forever bound to roam the Land of Oz; skipping about to Barbra Streisand. If I try to sneak over the border, immigration stops me.
Why can’t a straight guy hook up with a gay guy then deicide afterwards if he did or did not like it? Why should they be sneered at or made to feel dirty? Why is that against the rules?
It doesn’t mean that gay person is predatory, nor does it mean the straight guy is going to be bisexual for the rest of his life. It might just be that one guy he has a thing for, although he is into women still.
As I said, sexuality is fluid: You cannot define it in one word.
So to those guys who have experimented and decided it wasn’t for them, whilst remaining decent and refraining from turning into a grade A douche bag after it, I salute you.
To those who may have tried it and are now openly bi or perhaps even gay then a massive thumbs up.
But to those who have tried it, then denied it, then lied about it only to continue flirting when you get a hankering for something else, my advice is that if the glass slipper fits, Cinderella, maybe you should give Prince Charming a call.
And for everyone else, the sooner we stop caring about sexuality the better.